Enter Eternity Now

"Listen to this, please. Only what you get from this class can you take with you after death. Only what you acquire in this room can you take with you into eternity and in case you didn't know it, you don't have to wait until you die to enter eternity. You can do it right now if you understand. You can be in eternity RIGHT NOW! Then, physical death has a completely different meaning to you because you're not identified with the physical body. It is not Position A: I am alive, as opposed to Position B: someday I'll be dead. If you identify with life, you will be afraid of death. A always fears B, but makes B necessary in order to survive as A. What a peculiar contradiction. Living in Oneness with yourself, therefore in Oneness with the world, with the universe, being above time, has no opposite. Therefore, there is no life as opposed to death, no death as opposed to life. There is a state, which is eternal, which is right now. Right now, as we're seated in this room and by the clock (man made time) it is 10:00. Your physical body can be seated right now, at 10:00 in the morning, and be in time in this world. Something that is not your physical body, which is you, which you can understand, can be in eternity. So, we live in both time and eternity. If you live in time alone, you will be afraid of the opposite of life, which is death. People who think they are leading exciting lives are afraid of the B position, which is the end of their exciting life. Right? Understand? There is another kind of life which has no opposite to it at all, but is an excitement with a capital "E" in which you do not exist. Thought can never be aware of eternity. The absence of thought IS the awareness of eternity.
Thought is in time itself and it can think about catching the bus at 9 o'clock or cooking dinner at 5 o'clock, but it can't understand something which is above time. But, in the physical body, we need both to catch the bus at 9 o'clock and to understand that, when the excitement of catching the bus in order to go to the party, when that is over, then we're not concerned with the ending of the party or anything because we are not involved in it."

A talk given by Vernon Howard, 10-8-77

Food Love

It was the holiday meal. We were sitting around the table eating when my daughter stated that she could taste her mother's love for her in her cooking. I kept that with me and a few days later, during a solo breakfast, I realized how right my daughter was. I have dined in some very fine restaurants, but they are nothing in comparison to a meal prepared by my wife at home. Even a meal whipped up in a hurry is more enjoyable than a $100 plate. I am realizing more and more the taste of true effort. When someone diligently places themselves completely in the effort, it can be tasted. Why shouldn't this be true in everything we do. Pass the potatoes please.... r

Sometimes

Sometimes life, as I know it, pulls real hard. Sometimes it even hurts and doesn't make sense. I often hurt others too. I like to fight. I like to push back as hard as I can. I like to pout when I don't get what I want and I like to blame others. I can be like this for a long time, but you know what? I can NOT be like that too. I can be quiet and still. I don't HAVE to rush everything. I can sit with nothing to do and not entertain my thoughts. I can leave the books closed. I can NOT try to fix everything or feel responsible for things not working out. I can choose to not cry. I can be tired. I can let whatever that wants to happen, just happen. I can breathe easy and not work so hard at life. I can feel empty and not be afraid. r

Amends

If you write or say something that is wrong, your conscience will come tap you on the shoulder suggesting you immediately make amends. You already know this, don't you? Truth is telling you a correction is in order. If it is right for you , but wrong for your neighbor and you know this, then it is wrong for you too. We must live harmoniously in this way and you can do your part. Don't expect your neighbor to comply, just do your part. Keep your side of the street clean, quietly, don't preach. We can tell who the preachers are, they are the loudest! Volume and fear go together. Test it before you spread it. Read something, write something, but most importantly understand something. There is no reason to pass anything on, just choose to be different. Change your ways quietly, to yourself. That is what you want to be, that is what they want to see. Hint: Never apologize to someone to save yourself. You have no right to harm another for your misbehaving. Simply find away to stop the unwanted behavior. That is truly the best amends to make. A change of one's self. R

Intended

God created me to experience His conscience,
and laid before me a selected few,
to assist,
should there be any misconceptions.
Oh! the few, the wonderful few...

A consciousness that exists,
Before and after the body.
Before and after all thought.
Before and after all feeling.

Could it exist now?
During the body,
During the thought,
During the feeling?

Should I chance this existence,
perhaps, with devoted investigation?
To consider all I see as necessary,
To evolve into something new.

As still as a wall,
And as quiet as cattle,
Letting those unclaimed ropes,
Be tossed and dangled.

r

A Re-read

The Self-Imprisoned Bird and a Great Secret of Change

Posted: 08 Apr 2009 12:03 PM PDT

By Tom Russell

Several years ago my wife and I were in Colorado for a speaking engagement. We had an afternoon free and visited the local zoo, sauntering back to the exotic bird section. There we saw a circular fence, probably 18 feet high and some 60 feet across. It was very odd to us that the fence had no top to it.

We observed a rare bird over in a far corner. I reasoned that the keep¬ers must have clipped its wings so it could not fly away. Then suddenly the bird went into full flight to a tree on the other side of the cage. Obviously I was wrong. The bird’s wings were fine.

I found a zoo attendant and asked him why the bird didn’t fly away.

“The reason is very simple,” he said. “This bird was raised in captivity. When it was young it was placed in a cage with a top on it. Every time it tried to fly away it would hit the ceiling. Now, the bird never tries to escape. It is convinced the top of the cage is still there.”

What limits do accept without knowing it?

The cage probably seems tranquil, even cozy, to our self-imprisoned bird; likewise, our familiar mindsets seem right and natural. Though change to a happier, more productive life draws interest, change unsettles cherished routines. The familiar lurks in the background to lure us back to the familiar, back to the cage.

Could it be that authentic inner life success, success as a human being, grows out of a willingness to feel uncomfortable or wrong for awhile, not right?

The Alexander Technique provides an ideal example of how change at first feels wrong. At the turn of the previous century F.M. Alexander pioneered a practical method for postural improvement. Today it is part of the core curriculum at Juilliard’s School of Music, allowable as therapy in England’s health care system, and widely practiced around the world by professional performers and self-awareness enthusiasts. One day a mother brought her young daughter to see Mr. Alexander. She suffered from severe postural misalignment. Mr. Alexander helped the girl find a vastly improved posture, but when the session concluded she ran to her mother and said, “Mommy, look what he did to me. He bent me all out of shape!”

Though the young girl’s physical muscle patterns objected to the change, don’t we have well-worn mental patterns of at least the same intensity? How do we break through this resistance, so the changes we want in our lives really come about?

Daring the Wrath of the Familiar

After any decision to modify our life, even something as simple (and productive) as the resolution to watch less Television, frazzled feelings, an inner ache, a confusion and/or emptiness soon surface. The cage wants us back!

Why do we go back, often without much of a stand at all? The answer is not really fear of change, I’ve found. The answer is fear the change might cause more upheaval than we can handle. Picture our self-imprisoned bird hearing gunshots outside his cage – gunshots from hunters poised to pick off any creature that flies free. The shots though, are blanks, duds, not real bullets though they sound like it. The guns look real and even smoke after a “shot.” So the bird stays put out of fear of consequences that can never exist.

Dare the wrath of the familiar patterns, and what happens? Things get worse for awhile. Does this upheaval have real power? Millions read that it has no power, but that’s about all most people do. Unless we risk it, and do so over and over again, we’ll never know from ourselves.

Society, in almost every sphere, teaches by words and deeds to seek happiness, seek comfort, and do what “feels” right. Yet, the truly right never feels right at first. It feels wrong for awhile. Think of the power of this nugget of wisdom when applied to your life! No, the glamor and wordiness of popular self-enrichment programs goes lacking here, and the simplicity of this nugget may have more power than presently realized. Wisdom sprouts from principles applied.

A Fictional Twist

Let’s get back to our self-imprisoned bird. In addition to the bluffing hunters and their popguns, let’s add another twist. Imagine we have other birds in the cage with our friend — perhaps his parents, his school teacher and his religious instructor. If our friend makes some feeble yet sincere efforts to test the top of his cage, what will be the reaction of his fellow birds? Probably words like “Who do you think you are?” and “Why aren’t you happy in here, like we are?” But if our friend keeps trying, and if he gets more daring, moving from one inch above the imaginary boundary to perhaps twelve, well, hold on. The elders swing into action.

In our fictional twist here, the elder birds each have a rope. Taking turns as needed, they toss the rope up to our friend just as he infringes on his make-believe boundary. Our friend catches the rope and the elders pull him down; however, one day, ah yes, one day our friend refuses the rope. He makes it up five feet over the “ceiling” and terrified, plunges back down. The elders go berserk. How will they stop this renegade who now dares to refuse their ropes? Stop him for his own good of course since it’s dangerous out there!

Finally the great day comes. We knew it would. Our friend refuses the rope yet dares to leap high enough to unravel his mental ceiling. He shatters forever the make-believe boundary. He holds out his wings to catch the natural currents, lifting him higher and higher. The vast sky of the whole earth welcomes him.

Why Others May Fear Your Change

Yes, others (especially those closest to you) indeed feel threatened by your changes. In their mind resides a carefully constructed picture of you. They have you pegged. When you act outside the settled picture, it unsettles them.

Some may think these points at least somewhat cynical. But are they? We can discern the attempts of others to control, to disapprove, to hint at what we “should” do, and we can see it all without a touch of hostility. They are free to live their own life and think their own thoughts, and so are you! And it’s rarely necessary to tell them anything about it. Your new found love of the sky is sacred and blooms best when kept to itself.

Where Real Freedom Resides

Hence, it is indeed vital to refuse the ropes thrown from our environment. They abound. In fact, the evening news could be viewed as one giant rope tossing session. Yet, our inner domain, the place of our own thoughts, dwarfs environmental influences. Does anyone really treat us worse than we treat ourselves? Worry, guilt, fear, jealousy – aren’t these ropes tossed within our own mind? And don’t we cause our own punishment by catching them?

The more we inwardly observe these inner rope tossers in action, the more we see there is no real need to try and stop them from doing what they do, which is to toss ropes. There is only a need to let these tossed ropes fall to the ground inside, unclaimed! If we simply refuse to catch them, the life at hand charms us with joy and vigor.

The day of freedom, then, is not the day when the rope tossers disappear. It is the day we know their ropes have no power other than what we grant when we catch them. Oh yes, not only will these inner rope tossers get upset, it is likely they’ll stage a riot! If you deny them energy, they might fade away! So they brazenly claim that YOU are fading away. No, they are fading away. You have reclaimed your life now, and YOUR life has nothing to do with THEM.

The Royal Life is Yours

We find ourselves increasingly feeling good with an abundance of energy and zest for life. The simple things, like the next breath or the next conversation, recover their delight. You dared to break through by daring to feel uncomfortable, even disoriented, over and over again, as you came smack up against more than a few self-created barriers.

Like the childhood fairytale Humpty Dumpty, “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men could not put Humpty Dumpty back together again.” Nothing has the power to convince us to pick up those ropes back up, just in order to prevent the cage from rioting. “Oh, don’t hit me” is gone and in it’s replaced with the bold, “Is that the worst you can do?”

When a resolution turns us in a new direction, so much genuine good flows from daring to feel uncomfortable, or wrong, or whatever you want to call it, perhaps even for days or weeks. Knowing in advance this is going to happen, and even intensify as you continue to make your stand, is the great secret of change.

My first mentor was an old Osteopathic physician. I met him when I was just 18 and he was 80. We chatted (as he called it, though he did all the talking) from time to time for several years. Dr. Chester C. Chapin perhaps said it best, “Tommy, it won’t hurt you to hurt.”

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Enjoy more from SuperWisdom: Seven Vital Secrets for a Rich and Purpose-Filled Life, by Tom Russell
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Fools Gold

I googled a question about climate for those who suffer from physical illness and this was the first one I came across:

I am a 50 yr old FMS sufferer on disability retirement, along with a whole alphabet of other conditions who just finished my second bout with pneumonia (during the summer/fall season) after having received the pneumonia vaccine in 1997. I live in southern California, and I am relocating to Washington state because of all of the pollution. I can't afford health insurance, so I go to the county for my medical care, which is horribly hit-and-miss. I can't take the heat of southern CA., due to the fibromyalgia (and bi-polar disorder), but I am concerned about the rainy weather (which I love, by the way) in Washington, because I also have osteoarthritis. I don't suffer from hay fever allergies, thank God, so I think this would be a good move. Does anyone know what would be the best climate for my circumstances?

...and this was the first reply,,,,

That's a tough question to answer. If at all possible, a long visit to the area you are interested in would help you make that decision. Moving is such an ordeal and expense! I have serious osteoarthritis, which has disabled me. So... ability to move about in a snowy area with a cane, walker or scooter should be part of your decision-making process. When I was 50, I knew I had to get out of the ice and snow of upstate NY. I'm 64 now and I'm soooo glad I no longer live there.

Do you have friends or family you could stay with for a month or so during the winter to get a real taste of what it would be like to live there?

On certain levels, there is nothing wrong with getting the help you need to get well, but to think that your inner happiness has anything to do with how the body feels or where the body is, is a grave misconception and a very misguided mistake. Are you aware that you too, are doing this?

You Are Not Your Physical Body

"Yes, even if you don't as yet see clearly, that you're not your own thoughts and feelings, begin to try and see it. Begin to separate the thoughts and feelings as they go through you. You are really not them. You have heard this before, but you had better go into it much deeper. You are not...your identity does not consist of anything that you think whatsoever. It consists of nothing you think. It consists of nothing you feel, furthermore, you are not the physical body... to get the third part in there. You identify with the physical body, but you are not the physical body at all. You have called it yours, so you are quite familiar with it. It's not you at all. If you were your physical body, there would be no eternity. You would die with the body. Do not identify with any of them. This is what keeps us in terror. When my body dies, I die. See what you're afraid of? You have identified with all these things that are going through you, including the physical part. That is why you fear death. You know that the body goes and you're afraid that when it goes you go to. What goes...is all your misconceptions.

A talk from Vernon Howard 01/16/77

Free Thinking

Dogmatic theology is that part of theology dealing with the theoretical truths of faith concerning God and his works, especially the official theology recognized by an organized Church body, such as the Roman Catholic Church, Dutch Reformed Church, etc. At times, apologetics or fundamental theology is called "general dogmatic theology", dogmatic theology proper being distinguished from it as "special dogmatic theology". However, in present-day use, apologetics is no longer treated as part of dogmatic theology but has attained the rank of an independent science, being generally regarded as the introduction to and foundation of dogmatic theology.

The term "dogmatic theology" became more widely used following the Protestant Reformation and was used to designate the articles of faith that the Church had officially formulated. A good example of dogmatic theology is the doctrinal statements or dogmas that were formulated by the early church councils who sought to resolve theological problems and to take a stance against a heretical teaching. These creeds or dogmas that came out of the church councils were considered to be authoritative and binding on all Christians because the church officially affirmed them. One of the purposes of dogmatic theology is so that a church body can formulate and communicate the doctrine that is considered essential to Christianity and which if denied would constitute heresy.

I have provided you with a definition as to the dogmatic practices of society. None of these so called, "scholars," are proponents of independent thinking. Listen! There is NOTHING in the universe that is cosmically identical, yet man in his fearful quest for answers, tries to herd society into these insane doctrines (as to how one should live and think) and that, should you choose not to comply, be considered (openly and secretively)a heretic, lost, or even worse, evil. Emerson stated it best, "be not like dumb driven cattle." Free thinking is your only chance. Research and experimentation is your only way out. Run Forest, Run........

Co Dendency

Relationships and the Modern Disease of Co-dependency
By Tom Russell

Despite marketing claims and shameless promises to the contrary, your life puzzle can never be provided to you ready made. Your puzzle comes together only through research and experimentation. Consider the depth of these two words!
What fits for you may not fit for someone else. Dogmatist scoff at this but inner life scientists know it to be so. Cosmic energy never creates a duplicate.
Certainly relationships can be classified as a big piece of the puzzle. Here we find fertile ground for enrichment and enjoyment. However, what lies at the core of most relationships in our modern world? Not enrichment and enjoyment, but co-dependency.
Consider the massive control mechanisms existing in dysfunctional family structures, education, news programming, government propaganda, churches and spiritual groups, entertainment and music, etc, etc, etc.. While originally thought to apply only to “enablers” in the orbit of an alcohol or drug addict, extensive modern research reveals co-dependency to be perhaps THE disease at the root of our madhouse society. What structures in the environment support the confused, unhappy, unfulfilled, bored and shaky self?
Co-dependency researcher Anne Wilson Schaef defines the pervasive disease this way: “Co-dependency is an emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual’s prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules – rules which prevent the open expression of feeling as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems.”
Ms. Schaef shares many challenging and fascinating insights including:
* “We live in a society whose institutions are built upon and exacerbate some of the chief characteristics of the addictive process . . . Many of our love songs are about addictive love and are based on its assumptions – suffering, possessiveness, cling-clung relationships, and externalizing our identity (that is, needing someone outside ourselves to establish our identity). Our culture teaches our teenagers to aspire to such relationships! They are taught to want someone who cannot live without them and through whom they can find their identity; they are taught to see suffering as noble and accepted.”
* “Co-dependents will usually get back into the disease when they find themselves talking about others in a way that they would not be willing to talk about them in person, and when they do this to build up allies and justify themselves.”
* “For me, one of the most challenging aspects of the disease of co-dependence is that it is so common and so ordinary. Of course, this is also one of the aspects that makes it so insidious. We know how to operate in it better than we know how not to. Ordinary as it is, co-dependence is unhealthy, however, and it will kill us, so we had better learn to recognize it and heal ourselves from it.”
I have found co-dependency to explain much in our modern day swamp. It is a major part of relationships, and relationships are indeed a major part of the life puzzle. SuperWisdom resources to take your inquiry further, if you choose:

• SuperWisdom podcast on Ms. Shaef’s book The Addictive Organization
  * SuperWisdom podcast on Memes and Why We Cant Stop Thinking

Leave Yourself Alone

What you do is not that important, as long as it follows simpleness and decency. Worrying about what you do or shouldn't do, now see, that is your detriment. Let go of false morality and don't let men influence what only your heart can know. Just for today, leave yourself alone, just leave yourself alone. R

'Just Chillin'

You say that you are drifting, but you are not drifting. You are secretly waiting for the next new thing to come along so that you can grab hold of it and string it out as long as you can. You will exhaust yourself identifying with it until it beats you down. You will come running back time and time again, dreaming and scheming until you drop. As long as you entertain this "I" thought you will continue the downward spiral. What great things has this "I" thought done for you? Why do you continue to nurture this "I" thought? You continue to nurture it because you can't sit still. You feed it because that is what you do and you haven't found out how to change. If you could change it you would, but you don't because you falsely identify with it. You are asleep to it. You can't change because you are not in command of yourself. You are commanded by others, of groups, of philosophies and thoughts. You are not in command because the "I" thought that you constantly defend, is not real. Yes, that is right. It is not real, but you can't see it, you won't see it. From dawn to dusk it entertains and punishes you and you let it. You let it, because you do not know else what to do. Your studies and even your prayers are about the "I" thought. Everything you do is about the "I" thought. Your words and your actions are about the "I" thought. When will you sit down and take a good look at yourself and see that this whole life you call you has been a big illusion? It is still a big illusion.. You can't change from what you know. What you think you know has fooled you. "How is this," you ask? Look at your secret despair. It must be something new, not different. "There must be a way out," you say. There is and it is a thousand times steeper than you think... It is quite simple. Start by looking and watching for the "I" thought, do it right now and in the next few moments. R

Traverse

It is easy to maneuver the darkness into dormancy when you are at home, but watch what happens when you go out into the world. Who is maneuvering whom? You should see that you are not unified, but still divided. In the world you are still trying to make a stand. You are still defending. You are still trying to find someone or something to agree with you, to authenticate your beliefs, your position, your labels, your identity. You want something or someone to say to you that what you are doing is okay. That you are okay. That you are right. I have pegged you haven't I? I have and you know it. You think that your life is about you. You and your vanity are doing everything in their power to convince you and the world that you are right, but your heartache and despair show otherwise. So you drift. You drift because you are evil, your deeds are evil, you secretly want this nonsense, but you do not know what to do. Do you really think you have been honest with yourself? When will you stop these smokescreens? How long will you continue to wear your many masks? You are still running into yourself aren't you? Every morning you continue to meet the same person. Can you not see that you want the darkness more than the light? Ah! alas, I have struck a nerve. There are a few that have traveled this path. There are a few who have found their way out, but you will not hear them. You still think you can find your way out alone, but you continue to sabotage any certainty. You would rather continue in this self bondage. Why? It is because you secretly desire it. You won't let go of it because you think that you will have to give up something and your pitiful ego won't allow that, will it? How do you like yourself now? Ask yourself if you are really living your own life. You are not and now you know it. There is encouraging news: There is a way out. All that is required is a desire to change; a willingness to progress in a right, not just different, direction. Perfection and control, however, are not permitted. You are thinking that there is no hope, but it is exactly that lack of hope, that complete doubt, that absolute helplessness and hopelessness that will allow you to begin something new and different. Hang on to it and don't you dare go out and do something to replace it or cover it up. You have been doing that already and it doesn't work. Stop turning away from it, remain empty. Just let it sit their. You can handle it. It won't hurt you. Ask yourself: What great evil power am I at the mercy of? There isn't one is there?

Dunce

The only problem that I have ever had in my entire life; the cause of all of my insecurities , fears and dilemmas is simply that I cannot sit still. I refuse to even briefly see the possibility of a non-vibratory life. You would think that a man could mold himself in such a way, but it is obvious, that he cannot. He unknowingly and sleeplessly makes himself status quo and ordinary. Upon seeing this, he should never again fight against what he himself cannot change. This is the mistake the restless society makes. There are a few exceptions who awakened to this phenomena of sleepfulness and mindlessness. They left with us ways to live, to see through this foggy life. Their hope was for us to see and walk our own path as they did, that with enough small, daily intentions, we could, one day, get up and walk away from ourselves, completely and wholly. . Truth will lead me to authentication, not man. I must ultimately find and follow my own path, guided by those who have lived by a similar spirit. It is feint and easy to miss. It does not vibrate like the world does. Find truth and sit still. Everything else is a smoke screen to more vibration and activity. " A little consideration as to who I ought to be, rather than, what I should do is in order." Meister Eckhart. The story of Mary and Martha come to mind as well. Happy Thanksgiving!

I Am My Own Fault

Obsession with possessions
Dawns isolation and the de-production
Of Others and Good Will.
The ordinary I sees only the patterns
It knows and wants to see.
Certainly nothing new, certainly nothing free.
Repetitive patterns of illness, despair
and destruction, there is no me.
Anecdotes in balance can cure, for sure.
I wonder why I can't cling
To the things I know are important to see.
This isolation to things, The de-production of me.
Once the ability to partake in goodness is lost,
darkness is inevitable and destruction is at hand.
I Am My Own Fault

Using Physical Illness

"One of the greatest illusions we have is that we are in charge. You get a pain somewhere, you get ill, that seems and does challenge the illusion that "I am in charge of myself all of the time." You are not and something other than your vanity is taking you over. It is a very common practice for those who understand these things and have studied them deeply, that sick people in hospitals get depressed because they have lost "their former control" of their lives. Here I am sitting back, helpless and I am suppose to be the world's greatest conquerer. That is one way, simply see how getting sick gives you a sense if inadequecy, a weakness at being at the mercy of something. What are you at the mercy of when you are sick? What great evil power is taking over your life? Do you understand that we are going to, eventually, have an illness that will put an end to our physical life? Are you going to object to that? Doctors and hospitals are connected with it, yes. We understand that on a certain level, if you are ill, to do everything possible to make yourself well. What is wrong with that? Also, what is wrong with not fighting with something you can't change? Are you going to change the fact that you are going to get deep lines in your face when you get old? Are you going to walk with a cane when your 80, should you live so long? God intended that you should get to be 80 years old or should need a cane. Do you know better than God how to control your life. Do you want to be 20 all your life? Who wants to be 20?"

A Talk by Vernon Howard 11/06/76

House of Bluz

I fail miserably at life running. Even in the presence of total defeat, I still think I know the right path to take. One can have complete defeat and still not surrender. One can be at the door of an eternal madhouse and still have a death grip on himself. Idle mindedness is like honey and without consciousness, I am devil bait. I have drifted for a long time and have taken on massive amounts of water. I am not a messenger of God. He never anointed me with that role, I did. I am evil and the worst kind. I delve in the pleasures of passion and desire while reading the scriptures. I am the worst hypocrite. I cannot stay awake long enough to gain any ground against despair, depression, anxiety, loneliness and helplessness. The pain has transcended to my heart, my mind and my body. There is only a light flicker. I am consumed. You suggested a way out for me and may yourself have felt these attacks also, but you do not have them now and without that presence, you have no authority. Like to likenesses. I will seek them out, despite what the mystics say for there is nothing else. You say one sick person cannot help another, but you have forgotten the power to love and be loved, and most importantly the power of hope. Somewhere along the lines, someone lied to you and you lied to me. We have been living with it every since. I do not think like you do. I am not dubious. There is something enticing about dark graves to me, I am not afraid of them. No one can ever hurt me like I did. No one can ever hurt me like I do. It is not you that I fear, it is me. It is my inward strife. I sense that I am hurting others and have no right to do so. It is not my intention to hurt others, of which I too belong, but I cannot help you right now. I am too weak to carry your cross. I must speak, now, openly and frankly. I have been quiet too long. I have been in content long enough. I have something I wish to relieve myself of. I first stand before my teachers and admit my hypocrisy, but they already know it. Secondly, I stand before my friends and loved ones, yet they too, already know it. Lastly, I stand before myself and scream out for justice, yet surprisingly, this is the first I have known about it. I have not heard the resounding echoes because of my evil vanities. I can no longer lean on superficial and recited words that are not my own. Here are my words (for my own good):

I have lived quietly as a separatist. I thought I was right and the world was wrong. I have been held captive for some time now and do not know what is going on. I thought I knew what balance was, but my thinking has become painfully patternistic. I have lost the ability to serve, therefore, I have only selfish interests. I have built something that has closed me off and now I wish to be free from it. I do not know how. What I truly want is to be free of pain. r

Death

Fitting that I have chosen to sit down with myself and discuss the fear of death. When I was younger, I never thought of such things. Now that I am older, I can think of nothing else. Funny thing about age is that when you reach a certain timeline you begin to get older, faster. Where in the hell did all of this come from? Internal questions, that have laid dormant, now begin to seep to the surface. These are my ques, unless I am still under the heavy influence of drugs and alcohol or I have decided to live the rest of my life under the influence of said psychotropics. Enter the truth: I do not fear death, I fear the idea of death. This idea is based on my past experiences and the psychological delusions set in place by myself and others. I have allowed this. Mix in my ego, the king of illusion with the fight to sustain itself, and the idea of death, is on. What I think I am is now threatened. It will fight for existence, but does not and cannot exist in reality. It cannot be present except in the conditioned mind. It's whole world is based on the past (emotions, fears, feelings etc..) and can only project what it knows, the past. It's only life is in the past or the projection of the future, based on the past. It cannot exist in NOW. I do not exist in NOW. I choose past or future, so guess where the fear of death, or anything else, comes from? It does not come from NOW, it comes from past or future, none of which is happening or can happen. Try to see this. If death creates fear in me, and I will agree that any fear is bad and cannot be real (or based on anything), then death is the greatest illusion of my ego. The only REAL death that can occur is the death of my illusions and delusions concerning the IDEA of death or any other fear for that matter. This takes place only when I become conscious of my existence in NOW and the illusion of death burns away. How many times will I stand in the way of this new moment? How many more of these lower level attacks must occur before I began to understand something? When will I see that I am "in" the world, but not "of" it? When will I begin the real me from the invented me? Silly, silly me. r

Passive

Having the ability to, but not choosing to take a dominant part, Christ was a passive example of how one must go about his life, if he is ever to, naturally, come to certain truths about himself. This is contrary to how the world lives and operates, but think about the possibility of real freedom for a moment. I looked up the definition of the word, " passive." Now, we assume to know what passive means, but have we learned it's deeper, spiritual meaning? Let me give you a few more words or phrases to further the possibilities. This is from Merriam/Webster's dictionary on the word, passive:

receptive to outside impressions or influences
yielding
tending to not take an active or dominant part
make direct use of the sun's heat without the intervention of mechanical devices.

I would encourage you to spend some time with these definitions to see what you come up with. Maybe you can find a place for them as you go about your day, perhaps when dealing with others. The possibilities are endless. The further I get away from myself, the better I am able to see. These short, passive actions are memorable and easy to recall and they came right out of the dictionary. I personally translated the last phrase to mean: to make use of the light without the intervention of thinking. r

beyond thinking...

You do not know the kingdom of heaven. You do not even know yourself and how you operate. You are blind because you dream and scheme. You think your thoughts about Christ and your beliefs are the kingdom, but I tell you, you lie to yourself and you deceive yourself. Why? You deceive yourself because you hang on to yourself. You think you are your own master. This is how you want it to be. You serve your thoughts, your needs, your ideas and your pitiful deeds of good. I tell you, your goodness is self-destruction and deep within in you know this. You had better look into this. You had better want to change and be different from what you see or you will continue to hurt yourself and hurt others. This is what a sick society does and you are right there with them.r

Pulp Kitchen

The little things in life have the greatest influence on me. Those subtle little lessons that Truth places in front of me everyday. As I was preparing breakfast, I sat an unopened bottle of full pulp orange juice on it's side to shake it up. As soon as my hand left the handle, it was on it's way to the floor. Boom! Pulp kitchen! I know what my reaction has always been; cuss and scream, blame myself or another, whine, moan, kick the dog and throw the cat outside. But today, I wanted to be different. I wanted to change. So, I paused... and did nothing. I begin to mop up the orange juice letting my breakfast get cold. Then, it occurred to me: "You can't always build new, sometimes you have to stop and repair." I thought about this for a moment and realized that life can't always go the way I think it should (especially when I am asleep to what I am doing). Real freedom lies in waking up and seeing life happen and letting it do what it wants to do. If I will slow down enough, not only can I prevent some of these misfortunes but, when they do occur, see that repairing IS building new. r

Children, teach your parents well...

You can get up when you stop fighting with others. Let me re-phrase that: you can get up once you see that you are fighting with yourself. r

I Lie

Ah, you say, When the next one comes in that will be my place of rest. When I get the next job or the newest big screen or that new bicycle seat, that is where my happiness must be. Notice, deep down, that there is no way you can really believe that and if you are angry at me for saying that, it proves it. This is not bad, this is good! It is good to see how you lie. It is good to see how you blanket yourself with illusion. Lies have been the whole story of your life. Wouldn't it be better to say I have kidded myself into thinking "If I get this or throw away that I will be happy, but I have never been happy, therefore, I had better listen to a voice higher than myself?" Listen to that and let it tell me the whole story so that I can have a whole life. From a VH talk.

In the world, what you go after, what you await, what you get, will never be it. It must be told by something higher. Something not from society, nor from the battlefield inside of you. r

Isthmus

In Reality there can be no fear, because in Reality there is NO ENTITY that exists that can be afraid. Try to see the you your are not. Try to see that you are this oneness. You are in the flow of Reality. Try to see this, then BE what you SEE. I heard this in a seminar from Vernon Howard. I was startled by the fact that I live at something else and this "something else" cannot see this fact. It cannot see the fact because it does not exist in that plane or dimension. I live from a logical and mechanical mindset. If I let my mind rest and allow a quiet presence, wanting to see this principle, this fact; then the flow of Reality can be seen, felt and heard. This is something that must be taken and allowed to settle in. Take all the time you need, it is worth it.

If it is true that I will never be able to get it all done, then why do I hurry at any of it. r

Winning and Losing...

I have been an athlete all of my life. I have been in the competitive ring since I can remember. When I was young, I enjoyed running and playing with you. Then things got serious and one I day found myself winning against you and taunting you afterwards. I allowed this drug to enter my being and develop my character. I could not lose, either, and would hate you if you beat me, despising you, and better worse, turning that hatred against myself into serums of worthlessness. Do you see that winning and losing is the same thing? They simply reflect opposite ends of the spectrum, but they both are results of an identifying illusion. I would encourage you not to enter the arena, but you cannot hear me can you? You cannot hear me because the adults have thrown you into the arena. Yes, your school teachers speak highly of you, passing grades for you. Some despise you for what you are (and what they are not0 and degrade you for that too. Through time, you might even see that it is beginning to bother you, however, everyone else is playing the game and you can't stand the thought of not belonging to something. You feel you have to take some side, whether it be a winner or a loser, it doesn't matter just as long as you don't have to look at yourself. As long as you can keep pretending. The reason you won't quit is because you don't see what it is doing to you or you can't put it down and leave it alone. You won't know what to do with yourself without something. You say to yourself, "Even though it causes me misery, at least, it is something to hold on to. Maybe we will win next week," and so on and so on. I have seen my life 50 times and it still produces more of the same. Competition and competitiveness are not the same thing. Little by little, a person may begin to see that attitudes based on ego-driven ideas about what is good and about what is healthy, maybe wrong. I, for one, am not good and I am not healthy. Christ pleaded that we should store our treasures in heaven, not where they can rust or be eaten by moths or where thieves can break in and steal them. Your trophies are waiting. You ask what are heavenly treasures? Seeing that these events are indeed happening inside of you and being willing to look at them, study what they are doing to you and allow truth to change you into a person that is, "not of that." Love, r

You Are Not Separate from God...

If you hear anything or read anything I have ever passed on, I hope you will consider this:

You are not separate from the flowing Reality;
You are that flowing Reality.
See this and you will not see anything else
which conflicts with it.
You will be what you see.

Vernon Howard, from 'Esoteric Mind Power

blessings, r

HOL (hands on living)

A text from a friend the other day stated that "this Christ thing must be real, otherwise there wouldn't be so much resistance to it." Think about this for moment . . . There is a lot of resistance that is coming from inside of us. Wouldn't it be nice to see this great shadow for what it is before it overwhelms us? If you have encountered this phenomena before, then you can consider yourself moving along the path of spiritual desire. When it comes to daily living we must take the eternal road, the higher ground, by recognizing the only thing that is eternal, and that is, the present moment. We must stop taking orders from these lower places which possess our mind, our logical and mechanical self, and move to higher ground. Now is forever, in other words, Christ's words. Listen to what he is saying when he said, "Heaven and earth will come to pass, but my words are forever." Back in June of 2009, I wrote a piece entitled, "Mathematical Genus." This may help shed some light on the logical approach to eternity, now or the present moment, for you. Our daily path is not chosen by us, it is chosen for us, it is already set up and living. We need only recognize and accept what is unknown to us. You may ask, "You mean I can't wake up and do what I want to do?" Yes, you can and you do, so how do you like it? (This was a point made by the great mystic, Vernon Howard). The Red Print, what I refer to as Christ's words, needs no preconditioned recipe for approach. It is an alternative to the selfish cloud that arises every morning and blocks the sunlight from us. Simply open the book up to the gospels (the four books that encompass most of Christ's teachings while on earth) and begin from wherever you like. You can't do it wrong, just read and watch as the great comforter prepares you to an wakening of a new and right spirit. It is incredible. Watch how your heart begins to open and despair fades away. Watch how understanding moves in and replaces doubt. Do you really think that you can do anything for yourself? If you wish to memorize Christ words, by all means, do so. Take them with you. They will always reside with you. Why? Because they are forever and can only be seen in the NOW and NOW is, if you choose, all the time. r

Happy Trails

If the trail that I am on doesn't open into a thousand new ones, I am on the wrong trail. It must be my aim, a refreshing approach, to savor and relish all the present good. A hardy demand to casually strive and confine myself to the present moment. I should never look to please others nor wish that they please me. Self pleasing is the only true pleasing that can be had, especially when centered away from the touchy ego. The ego wants me to think that pleasing must be based on something outside, but a real walk is tall and away from crowded illusions. It may be viewed by a few prisoners wishing to be free of their unseen confinements, but the blinded masses will never see it. The aim is to be independent of dependence on any event, thought, person or feeling OUTSIDE of the present. A true characteristic of nobility and royal inheritance.r

"Confine yourself to the present" - Marcus Aurelius

Supply and Demand

Knowledge can be very powerful, but it cannot get you through the door. Most, will never have any desire or need or want to get to the door. They have no interest in their inward world. There is no condemnation here, on my part, only observation, because I know that any condition can be changed and any condition can be improved. So, this eternal love we seek cannot be felt logically or mechanically. It cannot reside where thought lies and cannot be seen by a busy mind. There can only be a child-like presence, a simple peace or a desire to see things differently, more quietly. Subsequently, a person must turn off the religion PA or remove themselves from the babbling in the streets to find a new and right beginning. Beware of those who speak so wildly of their doctrine, it is because they do not believe it and need confirmation from you. True newness is not concerned with direction, but hovers along the lines of unfamiliarity and unknowing. r

Non-Returnable

Knowing what I know now, I can never return to where I came from. That probability doesn't exist, except in illusion only. I doubt if I could return, even if I knew the way. One thing is certain, darkness doesn't need me to move anywhere for it to serve it's purpose. So here I am with this conscious dilemma. Which way do I go? Think for a minute. There are only 2 principles a man needs in his life. One, is to "be still and know that I am God." Secondly, if effort is necessary, "Love others as I have loved you." (remember that YOU are"others" too!) Keep it simple, my friends. r

Prisoner

I have been in prison most of my life. How can I expect or know what it is like to be free. Free, as in freedom from myself, my addictions, my fears, my desires, my somethings. Oh, how I love to manufacture more of those steel bars, yet as I look around me I see no bars, I see no guards. I am frightened by the shadows of a mimicking cast and worrying about the next phantom, sheepishly staying put, cowering ever so slightly and ever afraid. Oh, I may find a legitimate group to join, but they too are afraid and imprisoned and provide no escape for me. No, if I am to escape this place, this wall-less void, I must see, plan and break free from the ties that bind. Do you see now? They have been telling me for years that I am free to walk. They have told me there is another side and a way out, but I have grown accustomed to my misery and have averted back to what I know, the predictable, unconscious entrapment. Do you see? Will you see? r

Surrender

There will come a time when the tempter is so loud in your mind that you will become paralyzed and the pain unbearable. You will sense terror. There will be no one who can help you and your only desire is for God to just come get you. Listen my brothers! Do you not think the narrow gate has a price? Do you really think it is a soft and easy way? Do you really think that you can see it coming and that you have the human ability to ward it off? I pray that you doubt, I pray that you question and I beg that you cry out so loudly that no one hears you. I pray that it becomes so deafening that defeat is inevitable and you fear you may choke in your own tears. I pray at last that your last gasp is the knowledge of Christ, of Peter and of Paul. I pray that you find yourself screaming out to the one who loves you. I pray that you hang on with all your might and glimpse the only answer. He IS the only way, the only truth and the only life. He is more powerful now, inside of you, than if he were there in body. I pray you search for it. For in the great power of Christ you WILL find relief and you can be saved from the bondage of yourself. The self you think you know, your passions and your desires will soon crumble. Love and Peace through the difficult and very narrower gate. Blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are those who seek righteousness. Love, r

Man's Greatest Contributions

1. Jelly Bellies
2. zip ties
3. hip replacement

My wife, Leah, had hip replacement surgery Thursday. The surgery lasted 48 minutes and she was up and walking by 1:00 p.m. that afternoon. I am utterly amazed by man's progress in these areas. The funny thing though, is that the tools they use for such a seemingly impossible task, are nothing more than a carpenter's tools. I know of another carpenter who uses tools like that. love, r

Spoon Full Of Sugar

Rather than finding a way to cling to God, wouldn't it be within your power to first, see what is causing the need to cling? I believe if you were to ask God what to do in any uncomfortable situation, he would send you to the end of the line and suggest greater self examination and investigation. Once you find it he can better serve you. If you don't find it, he will probably give you another clue. Eventually he wants you to find it for yourself. Never forget he has a great sense of humor, so try to be more casual with it or you might walk right by it. Love, R

How To "not sin" Daily

Through understanding, of course! Let me share some words with the so called scholars and great philosophers of ethics, religion and indoctrination:

Evil can only do evil
Goodness cannot do evil
Evil can recognize Truth,
But only Truth can do Good.
Truth is of, and sustained, by Itself,
And always triumphs over evil.

Pretty simple. There are two halves in every man. There is what is true and what is false. The false has an ego which keeps it confused and excited. The true lives with the ego, but is not guided by it. It sees all and understands all, (it is of and sustained by itself). Once again, evil can only do evil. You cannot change it, but with Truth, it can be dissolved, so that you live from your essence or natural state. He who "resists not" will learn a lot about himself and will quietly approach a gentle knowledge of himself and his surroundings. This IS forgiveness. r

MAXFLO!

Never think that you are not worthy enough to approach the Father. Truth is the Great Healer and Great Healers want you to approach them, especially when lucid and alone. Never doubt the love Christ has for you. It is 100% MaxFlo, all the time. Ask anything in his name and he WILL send the Great Comforter. If you want this phenomena to exist, that means it already does. *"What you want, wants you." Love, r

* Vernon Howard's Psychopictography

Strife

The world wants to kill itself, let it. See what you have contributed to it. A man cannot discipline another without first disciplining himself. Before you yell at another, yell at yourself first. Before you point your finger at another, look at the log in your own eye, first. No one is to blame, yet you continue to do harm to yourself and others as you spiral downward. You may blame yourself outwardly or secretly, but it will still give you no authority, hah! Stop yelling at the children! You are the worst teacher, for you are personally creating rebels and cowerers. No one is in the right. You all fall short. Stop screaming at the children! "Forgive them father for they know not what they do." You have my permission to leave the streets for peace and quiet or you may remain. It is your choice, just stop yelling at the children! Love, R

Something To Remember

"Any time you want an answer about anything at all, close your ears to the babble in the streets, remain apart from it, and remain quietly with your own unknowing. Just quietly realize that you do not know the answer; do nothing more than this. Will you do this much? Will you try it many times over the coming months? You can practice wherever you are, whether in the kitchen or factory or field. It may seem like a mystery, but it is right action." -Vernon Howard-

These are remarkable words of wisdom. This unknowing, childlike being seems like it would be so fun. Anyone can have it, yet we run from it everyday. We run because we are afraid of the quiet. We think we must have constant movement, we must be DOING something. We have yet to understand that we can step away from this big, spinning gear and not get hurt by anyone or anything. Love, r

The Lone Star

I am proud to be from Texas. I have lived here all my life. I was born and raised in Austin, Texas, the great capital. My ancestors fought Santa Anna in Goliad, Gonzales and The Alamo. I am of Scottish descent. What I am most proud of, however, is those who do not live here because of the heat. Not Without Honor, R

Go Your Own Way

Anne Rice leaves Christianity

Legendary author Anne Rice has announced that she’s quitting Christianity.

The “Interview with a Vampire” author, who wrote a book about her spirituality titled "Called Out of Darkness: A Spiritual Confession" in 2008, said Wednesday that she refuses to be “anti-gay,” “anti-feminist," “anti-science” and “anti-Democrat.”

Rice wrote, “For those who care, and I understand if you don't: Today I quit being a Christian ... It's simply impossible for me to ‘belong’ to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious, and deservedly infamous group. For ten years, I've tried. I've failed. I'm an outsider. My conscience will allow nothing else.”

Rice then added another post explaining her decision on Thursday:

“My faith in Christ is central to my life. My conversion from a pessimistic atheist lost in a world I didn't understand, to an optimistic believer in a universe created and sustained by a loving God is crucial to me," Rice wrote. "But following Christ does not mean following His followers. Christ is infinitely more important than Christianity and always will be, no matter what Christianity is, has been or might become.”

Sounds a bit like Christ standing up to the Sadducees and Pharisees. Love, R

Awakest Thou That Sleepest....

I buried my father this past weekend and was encouraged with the mental health of all of the survivors. I guess for most people, they need these types of events to wake them up to the truth about mortality or continue living in an ongoing illusion about whatever. I learned so much this weekend, but the thing I learned most came after the processions and (actually) occurred on the way home. My wife and I were sitting in a Cracker Barrel when I stopped eating and began looking around the room. To my amazement, I saw hundreds of people unaware of where they were or whether or not they were even eating. To live life without knowing what you are actually doing IS the greatest loss of life. I know now what Christ meant when he said, "forgive them, for they know not what they do." We walk around with all these goings on in our head, which have nothing to do with what our physical body is engaged nor the environment around us. Watch yourself today. See what you do when you are doing it. Remind yourself daily to become a part of the living of life and not the mortality of illusion and self-centered thinking. Love, R

TO MY FATHER

Yes, it is true, I once feared death. I ask myself what it is I want from life before I go, before death puts it's sticky fingers around me. What does the world offer that I feel I should have or do before I go? What can the world offer me, that I may take with me? I can think of nothing this world can be other than what it already is. Today, I will honor the death of my earthly father, Roy Smith Jr., who passed this world at 9:15 am this morning. The two greatest things I learned through him was how to play baseball and forgiveness. I Love You, Dad. Randy

Ceiling Fans

It is okay to quietly admit to yourself that you cannot live without him spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. But know this: The greater your desires to move closer to The Father, the greater your false nature increases the production of evil. I had come out of a quiet period when looking up, I noticed the fan in my bedroom. How perfectly still the lamp remained with the blades whirling just inches above it. How close, also, is my head to my heart. "Being in the world, but not of it," is only divisible by the simpleness of awareness and the small, little conscious efforts I make daily. What great relief these little crosses bring. I can spend a lifetime filling my head with the wisdom of the ages, but they can never trickle down to my heart without the love and devotion I have for Jesus Christ. Stay with him my friends. amen

The Retirement of Bret

Concerning anything new:

I am a bit worrisome
I am a bit skeptical, yet
I am also a bit greedy.

These are observed characteristics that occur when breaking from what I want to do (for myself only). How easily I am lured into patterns of DOING something or DOING nothing. Doing becomes redundant if it precedes the higher task of observation and understanding. To categorize motion and activity into good and bad, desirable and undesirable, selfish or unselfish, beneficial or not, right and wrong, etc... is to lie in the open and easy gate. It would be wise to grow tired of such selfish desires (especially expected results), when all that wanting becomes such a demanding responsibility. R

Mrs. Ser

There was a lady named Mrs. Ser. Once upon a time, Mrs. Ser came across an infamous wise man. She had met the man earlier in her life, but had discounted him as not having any wisdom because of his appearance and a, noticeable and twisted, since of humor. One summer day, she experienced something very overwhelming. This something she had felt before and wasn't sure what to do. Having no place to turn she approached the infamous wise man for help. She said that she had felt something, something inside of her that she had faintly began to feel when she was much younger. It was a sensation that had become stronger as she grew older. She described it as a feeling, "That Feeling", she put it. The infamous wise man asked Mrs. Ser to describe "That Feeling" and to share, with him, what she thinks is the cause. Mrs. Ser could not provide an origin, but she felt it had always been with her. It made her feel lonely and desperate. She felt different than her friends, at times, because they always seem to have it together. It was terrifying at times too. She would feel it equally whether alone or in a crowd. The infamous wise man understood her symptoms, reflected on his own past failures, smiled and suggested these kind words: "What you feel is not real. It is an illusion. The next time it appears, do not run. Stand there even though your knees and the ground are shaking. Stand firm to it. Do not fight. Do not resist. Let it come in and do what it wants. It cannot hurt you. It is out to trick you into being afraid and lonely. It wants you to feed it, because it is hungry. It might even try to make you think that YOU are it. Know that YOU ARE NOT IT! Call the bluff. It may take more than one stand, but you must go the distance with it". She left the infamous wise man and never saw him again. She had left quite confused by his words and didn't completely understand. Some years later she had found herself alone and full of despair. She had forgotten most of what the infamous wise man had said to her. She begin to sadden, falling into severe depression. She decided to go for a walk to quiet her mind. There was an old condemned house that had been vacant for years. As she approached the house she could hear the cries on a kitten. At once she stopped, turned and walked into the dusty old house. She followed the cries to a small kitten perched on a small stack of books. She sat down and the kitten took to her at once. As she brought the kitten to her chest, she looked down and saw an old bible. She was intrigued. She reached down for it, but the dusty covers slipped from her fingers and fell onto the floor. As she reached for it again she saw that the book had opened, displaying a highlighted text which read: "7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." She picked up the book and left the old house holding the kitten. She thought of the words she had just found and the infamous wise man. She let out a relaxed sigh as it began to rain...

Generalized Heath

If your dog is eating right, then you are eating right. r

Aquarius

Age is nothing more than a measurement of time for the imagination to create illusion. Therefore, in most, age has nothing to do with wisdom. I do not live the dreams of my father, nor the illusions handed down to me. I know that it is a child, perhaps, who carries the most wisdom because it knows it knows nothing. It chooses to be submissive to knowledge it doesn't understand, therefore, it is free of man's attempt to control or suppress it. The child will not fight because it wants nothing you have to offer. The child will let you win. Now, more often than not, there may come a time when the child can no longer remain immune to your demands and attacks. Through time and age(not wisdom), it unnaturally learns a way like yours, to which, childfulness becomes a very narrow gate, often evading even memory. So, what is it that you think I really need to know? Reality tells the child you have no way, you have no life and you have no truth, to which it is content. R

Ph Test...

Are you allowing man to numb you with his handy little pills? I would rather feel the wrath of the gates of all darkness, screaming out to God, before I would let man hypnotize me with his pharmaceutical malaise. Take the litmus test, are you alkaline or acidic. One is a hotbed for disease, the other is not. Blessings, R.

A Very Feint Trail....

It doesn't matter what you have done or where you have come from, you can become something different. One day, maybe years from now, you will look back on your transgressions, all of your past follies, and smile knowing they have nothing to do with you now. Actually, they never did. Blessings, r

Along Came A Spider

There is a train that comes along every minute. You may get on or get off anytime you like. Vernon Howard

I have enjoyed the liberation that comes from these words. I can get off anytime I am satisfied with my current condition. A simple form of acceptance that brings me peace and contentment, but due to my uncanny ability to fall asleep, however, new storms come and once again, I must endure until the train comes. I must waiver through whatever wants to happen until the train arrives, and yes, it does arrive!!!! Not because I will it to, but because that is what it does. It is always on time. So, let Reality carry you for a while and see what happens. Stop insisting that things turn out a certain way. Allow truth to come to your aid, let it be the guide. Let your life be lived instead of driving yourself through it, day after day. Put down your books for a while and listen. Slow down to watch your hand stirring the tea. Get your mind and body in the same place, the same space and watch what happens. It is amazing. Blessings, Randall

something to remember...

Suffering is a wonderful springboard when used rightly. Life, often times, makes us take breaks from what we are accustomed to. Sometimes pain is involved. Sometimes something appears to be lost or gone. These may be present, let us hope so. The farther down into the darkness we go the further we can be slung into the light. Funny thing, is that none of this is necessary, but it seems to be way more prevalent than not. This is life, in a loving way, reminding you that there is something higher you need to be doing. Find a good teacher who can show you how to look at yourself. You can become your greatest teacher. There have been many great men who have found it and led the way. Christ is a good one. Follow his teachings and then, make you own way. love, r

A Certain Trial

My only real purpose seems to be trying to keep my body and mind in the same place. I must let God take care of the rest of me and the rest of the world. love, r

When It Is Over...

...something magical will come about. I have come to an understanding of the apostle Paul's words.. "though we were sinners, Christ died for us". So I put it out there for you to see. "God, would you please save me again." I am like you, very critical and hypocritical. I have lived a lie to myself and continue to blunder in the dark. I thought that I had found truth and have found nothing, but my egotistical sneakiness and my longing despair. I have lived your lie too and now there is nowhere else to run. Oh, but you will conjure up another pleasant surprise for yourself, won't you? You think you can fool everyone, so take all the drugs you want, justify everything for your own good, create laws to keep and take, take and keep, but in the end, you must face your redemption. You must suffer the withdrawals of your choices. Oh, how I love you and humbly speak and express the pains of the heart. I know I am not it, never was and never will be, but the best of all is I don't need to be. I do not substantiate truth. Truth substantiates itself. If there is a way out, I know it is not that way, I have lied long enough. love, r

Working for the Weekend

It would be wise to reside in the Father as he resides in you. To be one with the Father, the son and you. Watch the world as it tries to pry you away with it's trickery. It wants you alone in your thinking. It wants to isolate you so that it's attacks go unnoticed by others. Stay with the father and with the son , so that all things of the world and of heaven may be gladly endured. love, r

To The Addict Who Still Suffers...

I am one of you. I am with you. Whether clean or whether dirty I understand you. You need not blame yourself. You need not curse the ground you stand. You are not alone. You have no moral dilemma. You have a disease and like everyone else in the world, you are sick. There is help and there is a way out. It will be difficult and will appear to go against you, but if you will look deeply enough and listen to your heart, you will know this is the only way and that it is true. Always remember that the best you can do is to not pick up. The worse thing that can happen to you, the very worst thing that can happen to you, is that you trigger your addiction. For if you do, the horror starts all over again. But you already know that, or do you? Never forget that it will always lie in waiting. Your addiction doesn't care what you think. It doesn't care what you have or who you are. It needs no face, it needs no race. It welcomes all religions with open arms. Do not be afraid, there are many of us among you. Seek us out. We are not proud people and avoid public promotion. We know that the greatest thing we can do for humanity, of which we are a part, is to wake up to ourselves. We also know that the greatest dis-service we can do for humanity is to remain asleep. Love, r

Guilt

I have taken the liberty to investigate the word, "Guilt." I am learning that if something is bothering you, you must try to isolate the condition with the feeling in an effort to understand it's origin (otherwise known as cause-effect). Webster's definition for the word guilt, in this case, is two fold. It states in 2.a. The state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously. b. Feelings of culpability (criminal) especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy. What I, personally draw from this are three words:

Consciously, imagined offenses and a sense of inadequacy

If you are reading this you know that I am on to something, and you are on to yourself. How can I overcome feelings of inadequacy? Where does it stem from? Guilt is derived from fear. Fear is the sour fruit of the false self. You cannot and need not change what is already false. To be free from it, you must consciously fight for yourself. You must abandon this self that fears being inadequate. How ever long it takes and as many times that it takes you must bring it to the conscious (recognize). Stop and see it. You must stopped these illusions of imagined offenses and ask yourself, "Are they happening now?". Consider how you blame yourself or others by asking, "Who is judging and blaming me right now?". You must isolate these confessions and allow them to come to the surface, no matter how painful. It helps to openly speak with others about your long term affair with this false partner. It allows you to hear what you are thinking. Do not, however, think that confession is understanding. It is not. You are doing this for yourself. To become your true self. This may appear difficult, but ask yourself how much more can you take harboring these illusory THOUGHTS, that have no substance, no obvious basis, keep you in the dark and run your life. It is time to chase that illusion back to it's origin. Back to the one time it happened if necessary. As long as you keep it in your subconscious, it hurts you. As long as you assume it is you and that the feelings are justified, you are still it's prisoner. Allow this to come all the way to the surface. It is going to hurt a little as it comes. Stay with it until you can see the facts without personalizing. Stay with it until you can detach yourself. As if you took it and threw it against the wall and gazed at it separately, away from yourself. See the facts unattached and passively.Bring it to the surface. Quietly let it come to the top, without emotionalism or personalization. Do this a thousand times if necessary. Reality is wonderful at taking out the garbage. Love, r

Nicodemus

Drying your eyes, but you won't give in.
Calling on something you still hope you can win.

You rant and you rave on the inside,
for there's nothing left to do.

You've tried a few times,
when it's unbearably new.
Staying just long enough,
to pass away your blues.

What is this train,
you sling around the room?
Your emails couldn't pull off,
what you hoped they could do.

How long will you wait this time,
before crying again.
A new imagination to replace this old pain,
buy something else again and again.

This stage looms greater than your personal rights,
you scream discrimination, of duty and no fight.
Sweating profusely, still clutching the dice,
a fire from hell as hot as cold ice.

Time again for a conjugal visit,
maybe this time you'll call it's weak bluff.
You'll win this war worry,
if you can sit just a few.
Just let yourself go,
to the wind and what's true.

Oh Nicodemus, Why can't ya see us?
I have lied in wait for those like you.
Can't you see it, can't you feel it?
Those born of a spirit that rings so true.

It Is Depressed, Not You

I went to bed last night severely depressed. At least this is what I assumed. I was sweating profusely, first, burning up, then, freezing to death. Back and forth I went clutching my chest and writhing with the heaviness of life. I awoke this morning somewhat dazed but without the total desperation from the night before. I quickly thought I needed to run out and help someone, attend some service or read some literature. These things are good, true and necessary. It is a natural process that one will receive when one (selflessly) gives. It is also true that you cannot hurt another without hurting yourself. There will never be enough opportunities in life for you to sustain yourself in this manner 100% of the time. There are not enough selfless opportunities in a day to establish this you, you think you need to be. Sooner or later you must look at your thought processes and how you take life within and without. You must spend some time alone with yourself. You must see how long you can look at a fact about yourself without running away from it. This is the right action. How long can you take looking at yourself. I was depressed last night. There was no desperation today. I am still the same person standing here. You, the real you cannot be swayed. It is depressed, not you. Do you see yet? R

10,000 Maniacs

Though a man surround himself with 10,000 new laws or 10,000 new sermons, they cannot add one ounce of consciousness to his mind. His problem is that he behaves like it can. The only thing in a man's life that is practical is his consciousness of all mystical truth. A Truth that exists and can be discovered only in his mind and heart. His awakened, alert and practical consciousness towards his inward and outward existence, as it is, is where all questioning must originate. That is all that there is for him. This is a true actualization which can only be seen by him and by him alone. How can the man, who makes such great strides in the world, be so ignorant and frightened on the inside? Because, he is afraid to see and admit he is afraid. That is the start. Your borrowed ideas are not the truth for you. Look at how you run around trying to substantiate it with, or by, others. R

Foolish Pride

I crashed my bicycle at a high rate of speed, breaking a clavicle, 3 ribs and collapsing a lung. I had multiple abrasions and cuts and had my clothes cut off of me in the emergency room. I had been picked up on the side of the road, by an ambulance, having remained in a fetal position for over an hour, because i could not move. My helmet had been crushed in it's service to saving me from any serious head injury or death. I never lost consciousness and remained alert the whole time. I was in the emergency room for about 3 hours in Muenster, Texas. A kind women named Beth was able to contact my wife, who with a dear friend, made the 1 ½ hour drive to pick me up, load my possessions, truck and carry me back home. I slept fairly well through the night and was reeling from the previous days images when late that afternoon my left lung began to collapse. I was re-admitted to my local hospital where I remained until the following Wednesday. It has now been 2 weeks and 2 days since the accident. I have encountered some of those old addiction scenarios again (from the pain killers), but have quickly righted the ship with the help of my wife and throwing myself into the hands of God. Now, I am more capable of reviewing the event and all life actions leading up to the accident. Remember, this was an accident and had I not made it out of that incident, then this would be meaningless. However, by the grace of God, I did survive, so this becomes very meaningful. Cause and effect is a powerful tool when used properly, without pride and without vanity. I thought I was ready for such a hilly event. Maybe I was and maybe I wasn’t. What I do know is that prior to that day I was unbalanced. I was not a branch of the vine. I was separate, lost and out of control. When a person becomes that way he has no direction, no purpose and his efforts are purely mechanical and non-producing. As I re-called that last moment, I was very exhausted, dehydrated and had become somewhat delirious. I had 9 miles to go on the 63 mile trek, but I had no business continuing. Oh, but what about pride and vanity? What about never giving up and quitting? These are honorable positions for a dubious man, but I was in no position to be dubious or honorable. This is how accidents happen and they are over before you know it. So, I was delirious, dehydrated and prideful. Now, mix in a blast from a 40 mile an hour crosswind from the left. A downhill speed of 35 miles per hour and a tire that had blown or had quickly become deflated and there you have it, an accident. I just wanted to measure where I was as a cyclist, but I had made the mistake of comparing myself to others, of needlessly "measuring up." I had allowed my ego to dictate and remove my reasons for cycling, that is, to be with me, the road and God. Through drug addiction, Epstein-Bahr and the cessation from nicotine, I had been given a second chance at something I thought I would never get to experience again, riding a bicycle. However, along the way, I have learned (or thought I had learned) the importance of a maintained spiritual program and, most of all, balance. I had forgotten about balance. Slowly, I had allowed obsession to cloud daily judgment. I had relapsed into selfish, and egotistical thinking. I had gotten out-of-balance. I had began to relinquish important daily spiritual exercise and writing. I had allowed myself to become one-sided, isolated and self-righteous. I leave you with the following and encourage you to take on those, seemingly, insurmountable challenges that life is known for. Remember that you help people because you are the one who needs help. Never forget that. You are one WITH the earth. R


Paramahansa Yogananda writes eloquently on a major aspect of finding balance:

"In every being there exists a masculine and a feminine nature. The masculine or positive side reveals itself as the powers of discrimination, self-control, exacting judgment -- qualities that express or respond to reason. The negative or feminine nature consists of feeling -- love, sympathy, kindness, mercy, joy. In the ideal being, these two aspects are perfectly balanced. but if reason lacks feeling, it becomes calculating, harsh, judgmental; and if feeling lacks reason it becomes blind emotion."

This mental picture has endless profitable connections on many different levels. For example, too much effort and straining for results causes inner life imbalance, as well as excessive recreation and television at the expense of reading the great spiritual books. Attention to food quality and regular exercise matter; however, an obsession with furthering and protecting one's health impacts the flow of revitalizing spiritual energy through the system. Balance, clarity and patience hold the key.

No Answers

Do not be alarmed or perplexed with your next dilemma. Your next step has always been a choreographed and hurried search for an immediate answer. Nothing lasting has ever come, but you still profess to know. You are good at this, but you are rehearsed and purely mechanical, logical at best. You always vainly scream for help, but no one hears you. What if you did nothing on the eve of your problem? What if you got as silent, as quiet and as motionless as you could possibly get? What if you raised your consciousness, your level of awareness, and allowed yourself to exist with yourself and not flee or escape to a premeditated and known remedy? This time you have no solution. You do not have permission to assume. Your mind can not be permitted to presume. Can you take it? Will you take it? Can you stop the dreaming and the scheming? Can you stop the crying out? Do you really think it will hurt that much? Do you really think it can hurt you? Do not be distracted by the noise of the problem. Simply stop and be still. r

Q&A

I wish to find the way out as swiftly as possible.

"Then no longer demand that results conform to your desires."

But this is how I have always lived.

"Which is why you have always been frustrated and resentful."

But why shouldn’t results match my desires?

"Why should they?"

It is so hard to let go.

"Just let go. In spite of all your fear, nothing harmful can possibly happen to you."

From Vernon Howard, 'There is a way out'

blessings, r

Present Is The Aim

A person knows if they are living right. They also know if they are not living right, too! This is directly measured by how many questions you ask yourself. The wise ask less, the foolish ask more. It is not my responsibility to see that you are or are not living right, it is yours and mine is mine. Sometimes in living and many times during my lifetime there has always existed the fear of finality. An illusion of finiteness for lack of a better word. Nonetheless, I have tried to see this masked illusion of the false one and finally came to an aura of simplistic explanation. I do this for myself and for anyone who experiences the illusory visions of death, the end of life, including any fatal destinies or any unaccomplished purposes. Unfortunately, many of us have learned that the book of revelation is one that, historically, creates fear and damnation to any and all readers. This is just not true. It is a very loving book and the basis of a new found strength for me today. A book of great promise and reward. It is unfortunate that as children, a handful of idiots stood behind a box and mis-interpreted it's promise and strength believing in only it's eternal (classic definition) implications and damnations. Since I am one that must approach life practically, I have discarded any living value of fire or brimstone (it literally scared my children to death and with their father's hand ran as far and as fast as possible away from that tyrannic satire for ever). Find a bible. I prefer the NIV because I do not speak in thee, thou and thine. Turn to Revelation 22:12. It reads: "Behold, I am coming soon. My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End". Let me first say, that this is love and encouragement, at it's best. You and I are not to worry, Christ is the beginning and the end. He is YOUR life's beginning and he is YOUR life's end, so you are not to worry, that is his job and I think he can handle what you can't. Be not afraid, instead focus on his greatest gift and the basis of all his teachings, The Awareness of the Present Moment. The Here and Now in Life is where your relationship exists with God and it can be in no other place. Our only conscious relationship is in the present with him, for that is where the kingdom lies and also, where our work lies. He is the alpha and omega, you are not. You are now free from it's worry. His reward is with him, not you. You can do nothing to earn it, he will give it to you. You no longer have to toil, period (his yoke is light so be good-hearted and cheerful). This can be experienced now, not later. Contentment can be had now, peace is waiting. "I will give according to what he has done". There is no mention of punishment here. Those box standers made you believe in some punishment in accordance to works. That is not what Christ implies. He does not come to judge or condemn, neither should you of yourself, others of you nor you of others. This is the utmost of encouragement that you try to understand and follow his loving commandments. Not perfect adherence, but the best you can. Your success lies 100% in the effort. The results are his and are in him alone. Live free in the moment or be condemned outside of it. It is your choice, he gave that to you. blessings, r

In Regards to Religion...

In most times, I would have been better served sleeping that extra hour. In regards to it's true purpose, I find this more in line to my inspiration....

How can I begin to wake up?

Watch yourself in daily action. Just quietly observe whatever you do, say, think, feel. Neither condemn nor approve what you see, but simply look at it without judgment. Mentally stand back a short distance from yourself and look at your daily actions, just as if you were casually observing a stranger. One result will be the faint feeling that you are not at all the person you have taken yourself to be. This is the start of a fantastic adventure, and the beginning of a totally new life.

What is my goal?

To find yourself.

Blessings, r

This Is A Test

God may not test you, but the world definitely will. As I move along, absent from drugs and now nicotine, I have kept very few sentimental dates or keepsakes. Those I have chosen to keep linger for a while, then lose their value and are discarded. I use dates to coincide with relevant things in my path towards upward understanding. I chose to stop nicotine on March 14Th. I remember very little from March 14Th, but the date, if all goes well, is an established birth towards greater personal change. I often look for representation as to why I chose certain dates or times to mark events like this and very simply, there are subliminal messages to be discovered. I looked for the numbers 3 and 14 in that order and found a scripture from 1 Corinthians 3:14. The apostle Paul is speaking about being tested spiritually. That the world (life) will come with it's fire to test and we will either endure it or we won't. It will depend on our spiritual fitness. May this come to no surprise, this is now, in this lifetime, not later, as others would attempt to impose. The verse reads: "If what he has built survives he will receive his reward." Let me remind you that these rewards are rewards that are stored in heaven, within us and that they are not rewards that interest others. Our rewards will be received, expect goodness when you try to do good things. Material things when a part of the foundation, not the foundation itself, may then be received, and thoroughly, enjoyed. The winds of life, no matter how fierce, when endured, make you stronger. Someday the love of the most uncomfortable things will sit greatest in your heart. blessings, r

Stuff

Day 12 of nicotine absence. No, it is not going to turn into something that it is not, like a prison sentence count down to freedom. I can ill afford to waste energy on what took a 37 years to incur, with needless acts of condemnation or judgement. I would be more inclined to a peaceful and resounding hark! That of awakedness and good fortune for discovering something so hypnotically mundane, that being vices and habits. I am curious though, where was I when all these addictions where taking place? Nothing happens over-nite, so where have I been all these years, where was I yesterday and where am I now? I think I have been asleep to recent heart matter, of breath and of the vibrancy of what is living. I have been asleep in things and unaware to things of importance. It is those things that are of a spiritual nature. More specifically, life and I. Life has been here for 50 thousands years or so, but I am it's guest for only a handful of years. Why do I spend so much mental activity with "stuff?" The getting of things and the thinking of more to get. How much is enough? Look at how asleep I am? A deep, daily trance seems to be the course of the day. The finding and getting of more things in activity and thought to consummate something worthy of it's effort. Feeling good about feeling bad is impossible, or is it?. Isn't that the dilemma? That my efforts should be worthy from something above? That pain is a requirement for blessedness or righteousness? What do I now, already possess? Why can't I just like what I see and be happy being me? r

Default

Chronic nicotine use creates its own artificial
sense of normalcy, an addiction comfort level.
Yes, each fix brought the addict in us a true
sense of relief (from the pains of our own
addiction) and yes, most of those memories
still remain. However, one critical factor has
changed. Our brain no longer has a chemical
need for nicotine.
-Joel Speitzer - Law of Addiction

I am in Day 8 of total freedom from nicotine. It is very difficult and I am just mostly pissed off all the time. I only thought I was this person who was wise and understanding or even loving. These established boundaries, therefore, are not real, but propagated by my own ego in the presence of nicotine (or dopamine). This proves, once again, that a healthy spiritual life excludes, totally, not only the perceptions and views of others about you, but also, not excluding, the views and perceptions of oneself. How many selves are within a man? I feel out-of-body without the sensation of a dopamine rush from nicotine. This is quite an experience. I am learning the true Law of Addiction. That once it is establish, there is no kill and no cure, it can only be arrested. To all of my addictive comrades who are reading with me and struggling the good fight: It is not your fault. This is the fight before us, but what is different today is that we have the Power of Knowledge. blessings, r

Cessation

A young man was seated at the breakfast table, when a wise, older gentlemen appeared for breakfast. "Good Morning," said the older man, "What will you be doing today?" "Well," replied the young man, "I'm not going to think about anything today, I'm just gonna relax and take it all in." "Good," said the old man and quietly departed. It was about 6 o'clock and the young man was seated at the dinner table. The older gent pulled up a chair and asked, "Well, how did that plan go?" The young man, dejected said, "Well, it went good for about 20 minutes, about the time I started thinking about that girl.... then, well, I don't remember too much after that. I wish I knew where I went wrong, it ended horribly. Can you help me?" The old man look into the face of the young man, smiled, then paused before taking a long deep breath. Unhurried, the old man begin to explain, "There is nothing you can do about the thoughts that come into your mind. This should now be evident to you, good. Thoughts are like clouds, they soon pass and are gone. You, however, are not gone with them, unless you allow these thoughts to guide you. Why do you insist that some clouds hang around and others not? Notice what the rest of you is doing while fixated on the characteristics of a certain cloud. You do not exist to yourself because, you are attached to the sensation these clouds produce. You are not the sensation, nor the cloud, this is your big mistake, so do not identify with them! By the way, the longer you allow a cloud to hang around, the more obsessed you will become with it. It is important to see these clouds, but not get attached to them. It is really quite impossible anyway, do you not see how you are trying to turn illusion and fantasy into reality? Hah!! Spend some time not doing so much. Those same thoughts will soon tell you that you should spend every waking moment on them. This is just not so. Remember that they can become persistent. Do not worry, they have no power unless you give it to them. When finding yourself becoming engaged, step back and consciously take a long, deep breath." The old man winked, stood up and quietly departed.

blessings, r

Never Again

These are harsh words for anyone trying to correct something like a behavior, habit or vice. They are the words that constitute resolutions and resolutions are promises based on a possibility that something could happen or exists. Whatever your situation, try to find your breath in the here and now. Do away with proverbial instruction and take a deep breath. All wisdom is found, somewhere between, the inhale and the exhale. We seldom realize that we do breathe. We are so out-of-touch with our bodies, we never find the treasures it stores, and it is in the simple awareness of the a long deep breath. blessings, r

No More Street Corners

There are no more street corners from which I can stand and yell out. I can longer insist that I stand out from others. There are epic battles awaiting me, yet, like most, I want to cradle myself with new causes and resurrected doctrines because they are easy and they keep me from the real work which lies within and about myself. I must look at my own cancers, but I choose not to and the enemy waits, the enemy works and is feverishly plotting like a termite, unseen from me, to sanctify my demise. There are great rewards ahead, but they can only be appreciated through knowledge and suffering. I am sorry it is this way, but this is how most will come about it. Knowledge, is power. Suffering is not the prize and does me little good, unless I use it to the advancement of a higher order. An order that is spark by knowledge and knowledge when gained in the presence of suffering is a lasting phenomena. My aim should not be to earn titles, but to continue to peel the layers of bigotry and ego. They are the satans and prevent access to any real life. Look at yourself. You say you are clean from this or that, yet, you are still using to your advantage what society permits. Oh you Bigots! You still do not see and you understand nothing! blessings, r

Favoring Yourself and the Dream To Overcome

"A little consideration of what takes place around us every day would show us that a higher law than that of our will regulates events; that our painful labors are unnecessary and fruitless; that only in our easy, simple, spontaneous action are we strong... Place yourself in the middle of the stream of power and wisdom which animates all whom it floats, and you are without effort impelled to truth, to right and a perfect contentment." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

To see that less of is more. That to side my self with truth is greater than giving up or surrender. Oh yes, this may be a starting point, but it is also involved with an effort, a fighting as such. To allow oneself to truly float in the stream of "power and wisdom," one has to withdraw for a moment, take a deep breath and relax, in a heightened awareness and co-existence with the body. A vision, as such, of effortless, non-directed purpose. Just exist as one is, for a moment, so as to allow for something new. The more I discard the Will's attempts to create an action, the greater my contentment and presence of Truth. blessings, r