Stuff

Day 12 of nicotine absence. No, it is not going to turn into something that it is not, like a prison sentence count down to freedom. I can ill afford to waste energy on what took a 37 years to incur, with needless acts of condemnation or judgement. I would be more inclined to a peaceful and resounding hark! That of awakedness and good fortune for discovering something so hypnotically mundane, that being vices and habits. I am curious though, where was I when all these addictions where taking place? Nothing happens over-nite, so where have I been all these years, where was I yesterday and where am I now? I think I have been asleep to recent heart matter, of breath and of the vibrancy of what is living. I have been asleep in things and unaware to things of importance. It is those things that are of a spiritual nature. More specifically, life and I. Life has been here for 50 thousands years or so, but I am it's guest for only a handful of years. Why do I spend so much mental activity with "stuff?" The getting of things and the thinking of more to get. How much is enough? Look at how asleep I am? A deep, daily trance seems to be the course of the day. The finding and getting of more things in activity and thought to consummate something worthy of it's effort. Feeling good about feeling bad is impossible, or is it?. Isn't that the dilemma? That my efforts should be worthy from something above? That pain is a requirement for blessedness or righteousness? What do I now, already possess? Why can't I just like what I see and be happy being me? r