Foolish Pride

I crashed my bicycle at a high rate of speed, breaking a clavicle, 3 ribs and collapsing a lung. I had multiple abrasions and cuts and had my clothes cut off of me in the emergency room. I had been picked up on the side of the road, by an ambulance, having remained in a fetal position for over an hour, because i could not move. My helmet had been crushed in it's service to saving me from any serious head injury or death. I never lost consciousness and remained alert the whole time. I was in the emergency room for about 3 hours in Muenster, Texas. A kind women named Beth was able to contact my wife, who with a dear friend, made the 1 ½ hour drive to pick me up, load my possessions, truck and carry me back home. I slept fairly well through the night and was reeling from the previous days images when late that afternoon my left lung began to collapse. I was re-admitted to my local hospital where I remained until the following Wednesday. It has now been 2 weeks and 2 days since the accident. I have encountered some of those old addiction scenarios again (from the pain killers), but have quickly righted the ship with the help of my wife and throwing myself into the hands of God. Now, I am more capable of reviewing the event and all life actions leading up to the accident. Remember, this was an accident and had I not made it out of that incident, then this would be meaningless. However, by the grace of God, I did survive, so this becomes very meaningful. Cause and effect is a powerful tool when used properly, without pride and without vanity. I thought I was ready for such a hilly event. Maybe I was and maybe I wasn’t. What I do know is that prior to that day I was unbalanced. I was not a branch of the vine. I was separate, lost and out of control. When a person becomes that way he has no direction, no purpose and his efforts are purely mechanical and non-producing. As I re-called that last moment, I was very exhausted, dehydrated and had become somewhat delirious. I had 9 miles to go on the 63 mile trek, but I had no business continuing. Oh, but what about pride and vanity? What about never giving up and quitting? These are honorable positions for a dubious man, but I was in no position to be dubious or honorable. This is how accidents happen and they are over before you know it. So, I was delirious, dehydrated and prideful. Now, mix in a blast from a 40 mile an hour crosswind from the left. A downhill speed of 35 miles per hour and a tire that had blown or had quickly become deflated and there you have it, an accident. I just wanted to measure where I was as a cyclist, but I had made the mistake of comparing myself to others, of needlessly "measuring up." I had allowed my ego to dictate and remove my reasons for cycling, that is, to be with me, the road and God. Through drug addiction, Epstein-Bahr and the cessation from nicotine, I had been given a second chance at something I thought I would never get to experience again, riding a bicycle. However, along the way, I have learned (or thought I had learned) the importance of a maintained spiritual program and, most of all, balance. I had forgotten about balance. Slowly, I had allowed obsession to cloud daily judgment. I had relapsed into selfish, and egotistical thinking. I had gotten out-of-balance. I had began to relinquish important daily spiritual exercise and writing. I had allowed myself to become one-sided, isolated and self-righteous. I leave you with the following and encourage you to take on those, seemingly, insurmountable challenges that life is known for. Remember that you help people because you are the one who needs help. Never forget that. You are one WITH the earth. R


Paramahansa Yogananda writes eloquently on a major aspect of finding balance:

"In every being there exists a masculine and a feminine nature. The masculine or positive side reveals itself as the powers of discrimination, self-control, exacting judgment -- qualities that express or respond to reason. The negative or feminine nature consists of feeling -- love, sympathy, kindness, mercy, joy. In the ideal being, these two aspects are perfectly balanced. but if reason lacks feeling, it becomes calculating, harsh, judgmental; and if feeling lacks reason it becomes blind emotion."

This mental picture has endless profitable connections on many different levels. For example, too much effort and straining for results causes inner life imbalance, as well as excessive recreation and television at the expense of reading the great spiritual books. Attention to food quality and regular exercise matter; however, an obsession with furthering and protecting one's health impacts the flow of revitalizing spiritual energy through the system. Balance, clarity and patience hold the key.