The Disease of More

I will never feel as good as I THINK I should (or deserve), because if by chance, it should come along I always blow it.

Yeah, that is me. I will probubly never learn the lesson because of my uncanny desire to please myself. I can never be satisfied with goodness because I always want to possess it and make it more pleasurable or more intense. That is why I was a really good addict, because of my obssession with desire and feeling good (psuedo-absence-of-pain). I am, however, alot better than I used to be. You may try this experiment for yourself. Watch how your world operates when everything (outwardly and inwardly) seems to come together and "the stars are lining up." Watch what happens when the pendulum swings and now you find yourself hanging by a thread wondering, "Where did all my joy and happiness go?" I know you have had this happen. So, whenever you see that scenerio beginning to unfold, pull yourself away from it (both the before and after). Or don't and pay the price. Sometimes it has to happen again and again (because I am a rock head). The safety of Now is pretty cool! R