inner man

What could save you,
You resist.
What destroys you,
You embrace.

Everyone wants something,
But look what they give,
Nothing is new,
Yet look how they live.

Everything is borrowed,
Default possessions,
Squatting to own,
With no certification.

Inner man is weary,
He scratches and claws,
What the world is doing,
The opposite won’t fall.

Roam with them outwardly,
Inward separation,
A true hero won’t bark
At the Obama nation.

When in this world,
Please do not hide;
For Life is greater,
Than high and low tides

Blessings, r

The Place

Where do you go
When all seems lost?
What would you give
If at any cost?

There is such a place
I found to be true,
No crossed-up buildings
Nor books bound in blue.

No theory, No meetings,
No discussion in rings,
Find a quiet place,
For the heart to sing.

Erase all your thoughts,
And aimless wandering.
Be still, young man,
As best you can.

consider yourself as
Next to nothing,
See the wind blow
No direction foretold.

Wait for the hands
With something magic;
A peaceful presence,
Not something tragic.

There is such a place,
Just watch and breathe,
Soon sleep will fade,
As if drawn by the sea.

-Randall-

A note from underground

Dear Daughter,

I wonder what it would be like if we didn't have the desire or need to be excited or stimulated? On the other hand, if we can't find rest when we are tired, peace when we are sick or content when we are troubled, then we probably will never be able to...

Love, Dad

"Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest" - Jesus

pass it on

Dear Son

I am very proud of you. I know that life will bring you great rewards. Always be available to yourself and the inner part of you that needs your attention, like motives, intentions and quietude. Do that now as you go along with life. Don't wait until your old, like I did, because there will come a day when you don't see so well, walk so well or hear so well.

Love, Dad

Nut Cuttin

It appears that when I feel the best, I am really at my worst and when I feel at my worst, I am really at my best. There is a war waging inside of me. One part is good, the other is bad and it is my soul they want to capture. So I must decide which side to choose. That is the hard part. The seen and unseen enemy is very canny. It knows me better than I know myself. It is a great master of the masquerade. It is illusory in nature and camouflages itself in a mass array of deception. The only thing I can attest to, is it's constant effort to control my thinking. Most feel it would be considered the easy way, but it is not. Neither side is the easy way. There are many who feel that the bad enemy is constituted by the coming of the anti-christ. What I can agree to is what IS happening. According to my friend John, a disciple of Christ, and as it pertains to me in the here and now and hereafter (these components cannot be independent of one another for they are the same), the anti-christ is already here and has been here from the beginning. So for the sake of making a very deliberate and practical point, the anti-christ, ruler of the world, is not an outward representative, but an inward ruler in my mind. The world is not my car, my house, government, my rights, war, disease, death, my circumstances, my money or anything I may or may not possess. The world is fear, worry, anxiousness, greed, jealousy, lust, and especially guilt, doubt, shame, self- condemnation and self-judgement. Christ had no home he could lay his head. Why? He knew what the "home as a possession" represented. He told us that if we wanted to be perfect, we should "sell all our possessions and give the money to the poor." Are you beginning to catch my drift? Possessions are cheap thrills and plastic, but the real enemy is what they represent to us in our mind and how we misguidedly use them to fill deficiencies in our heart (This is a fact, but do not think for one moment that you have the right to blame yourself for that would be furthering anguish). Do you see, "in the world, but not of it," yet? Inward conflict is the battleground. The unseen ruler must be seen. It is not what you have or (especially) don't have that is the problem. It is how they are used against you and you don't even realize it. Your birthright of peace and eternity (the present moment) are already yours. This is what Christ did for us. Stop trying so hard to earn a worldly or spiritual life. The former yields only itself, again and again, the latter you already have but haven't realized it or it's remarkable value. The worldly (mind) life is only an illusion. It's intent is to keep you trapped. Take your birth rite and get down to the business of seeing the good and waking up to the evil one's trick of self-deception, you are none of those things! Stop taking orders from the bottom places and if at all possible, hang on until the calvary (calgary)gets there. Go for the HIGH LIFE! Blessing, R

meditation

If you should need time in the morning, then I take it, but do not think that meditation is not a 24/7 operation. My teachers may of passed from this earth, but what they left is most important to me now. blessings, r

adjective

A walking, living description of who I am, what I believe in and what I represent. I am what I do, influenced by what I read, persuaded by who (and what) I surround myself with. "Careful little Johnny, that will burn you if you put your hand on it!" Rockhead is still getting burned (even though I am supposedly "educated"). What is knowledge? Information that will, most likely, prevent me from getting burned. What is intelligence? Staying away from the stove. blessings, r

Television

I have seriously considered myself a television set. I have noticed that I really don't send anything, at least nothing new. Everything that comes out of me was first received, then was followed by a reaction (of which a conditioned transmission followed). Before you call the straight jacket brigade, follow me for a moment. If I truly consider myself a receiving unit then everything I have formed, in my mind and heart, is based on the translation of a program. That program is based on what I have already received (whether it be pleasurable or unpleasurable) and formatted. Any new transmission can only result in a change of the program and how it receives data (thoughts, feelings, sensations and emotions). "Dude, you've lost it. We're calling in a specialist." Hang on a minute, hear me out! What if I were to trace the first episode back to it's origin (usually a traumatic incident), and document all (attributed) patterns from their origin to the present? This can be done with any physical, mental, emotional or spiritual condition. That what I suffer from is nothing new, but has been building with many, many recurrences using the same anecdote (many times I suppress the obvious because it does not line up with what I think I need for myself). If I suffer, then the anecdote is wrong. Try to see this. I have suffered from EBV my entire life. There is no cure because it is viral and there is no BIG money in it. So be it, I am one of the few and I suffer real pain and infection from it. I have traced it back to many episodic occurrences and in doing my own research, have found a way to live comfortably by re-programming. With no cure (or need for a cure), I can enjoy life by adjusting to what I have received, based on my own cause-effect research. I can gain strength in living according to my true make-up and not by one society creates or my mind conjures up as the way my life should be. I should never forget the things that I have allowed to form my past. I can trace all abnormalities, with unbiased historical investigation, to the cause, which in turn, bring more opportunities to find more about myself. That procedure to seek is not limited to a specific median and offers wonderful strength and wisdom to the complexities called me. Blessings, r

House Husband

A male, married to a woman, who has been graciously made lord of his home. He is responsible to sincerely bring great pleasure to his spouse and see that everyone in his home feel welcome and important. His words are not an important trait, especially those that are harmful and/or are about himself. He may be a source of income, but this is not his primary duty. He must do dishes, attend to the laundry and make his bed. He must attend to things that are within his make-up and is not allowed to play mind games with his household. He is not entitled to hang anything he does over any of his residence, unless his spouse approves. He is not greater nor equal and should always consider himself a servant. He is not allowed to be prideful or condescending. His only title is Spiritual Leader of the Home. This title is never to be taken lightly. His studies of spiritual concepts must be done and up-dated daily. He can never be certified nor have any authority. If he hears the words Dad, Daddy or honey, he may cry to himself quietly. When he is alone he should be grateful, pray to his Father and always rejoice to have been considered for this very important assignment. He should never consider anything in his household as an opportunity to become selfish. He must share his possessions with his household and offer instruction to the operation of any "said" possession. He cannot be bailed out by anyone or anything and should never express an opinion on outside issues. He should strive to be understanding, loving and comforting and should not expect to receive anything for his efforts. Above all, he must never day dream, live in hope or possess wishful thinking. He must lead a life that is humble, simple and practical. Blessings, r

Calling the Bluff

There are very few who care and it is necessary to seek them out. I have a limited few, but how precious they are to me. It is a holocaust for me to find myself withdrawn and isolated. Let me tell you with love and understanding: Very few people in this world are REALLY happy. It is my primary purpose to live what is before me. To live it fully and earnestly with ruthless awareness to what is in me and what is around me. It is easy to bail, but where will I hide? There is no place to run, no matter how fast I have become. Turn and look. Call the bluff. Fear, shame, guilt and anxiety are all soldiers in the evil one's army. I used to be a general in that army, but today, I have been reduced to the rank of captain. Keep trying. Vernon Howard said it best, "What you want, also wants you." Blessings, r

medicine man

I forgot, I forgot. Why did you forget? I forgot to write it down. Do yourself (and the world) a favor and start writing your daily thoughts down on paper. Put them in a place where they cannot be found. They are yours and not ANYONE Else's. On a weekly basis, go back over your journal. Why? You get to read what your thinking and it is a great defense against the evil one.

If you don't speak, who will hear
If you don't write, who will know

R

No Woman No Cry

It does me no good to suppress secret despair, nor does it do any good to spill it on others, for there are very few who can help me, and most don't care. I will go to my room, close the door and cry to myself. The best medicine is knowing that it won't stay long and soon will pass. A friend of mine, that I never got to meet, said that "Arrogance is almost always nearly crying." How arrogant I am and how free I wish to be from hope. Hope only brings a suppression of the present and the present is where I must reside. I want to know the business of myself, to roll up my sleeves and trace despair to it's origin. To finish it off with the sickle of awareness. To separate from what is and how I want things to be. The reality of myself in this world, truly free from the bondage of the illusory life and yes, there are miles to go before I sleep. The aura of self-confidence and self-reliance is not a dream, is not enveloped in hope and is within the reach of anyone who truly wants it. R

FORE!

I was watching Happy Gilmour the other day and couldn't help laughing at the fact that he was a hockey player, not a golfer. He replaced his hockey stick with his grandfather's clubs. It reminded me of a time I bought new clubs thinking it would make me a better player. It did until the newness of the clubs wore off and I was left with the same game. There have been many times in my life where I thought buying something new would replace the way I felt about myself. It did until the newness wore off and, once again, my old game return. Several years later, and many more new toys purchased, I found myself in a drug rehabilitation center. I have always been able to master things, buy new toys, start new hobbies, get new friends, buy another house or move to a different town, but this philosophical rock jumping came to an "about face" with drug addiction. For the first time (not my last) in my life I was beaten. Notice I said "not my last." This brings me to the point. Jesus said that the Evil One (new toys) would return and find the room empty and swept clean. He would go out into the desert (new toy mall) and return with 7 more powerful than he. Whenever you feel the need for a new toy stop for a moment and check that out. Is it going to really change the way you feel? Of course it will, until the newness wears off, and you return to your old game. Don't be afraid when this comes, expect it. Call the bluff on these masquerades and this silly waste of life. Just sit and watch. R

In God I Trust

Well boys and girls I have a good ole southern cold, and feel like southern crap. My ancestors at the Alamo didn't need lame excuses, so in that legacy I will shut up and finish this day, the best I can. Someone asked if I had any thoughts about "In God We Trust" being taken off of currency and government buildings. I was curious, but just answered a simple "no" because the right answer had already been sounded 2K years ago by another dude. In terms of taxation, someone picked up a coin and handed it to Jesus in which he replied, "Whose picture is on the coin?" They replied, "Caesar."
"Well then, give to Caesar what is Caesar's and give to God what is God's." Nuff said if you ask me. Pay your taxes and don't cheat. Giving to God is being honest, sharing your wealth with others and not being greedy or lustful with money. Pretty Simple. If you need that on your currency as a reminder then by all means, revolt! But if you think most Americans "Trust in God" and not themselves, think again. The time for righting wrongs, for you, is now and it is as easy as baking cookies. Just for Today, Amend your ways by being consciously honest in all that you do. Keep it simple, R

The Disease of More

I will never feel as good as I THINK I should (or deserve), because if by chance, it should come along I always blow it.

Yeah, that is me. I will probubly never learn the lesson because of my uncanny desire to please myself. I can never be satisfied with goodness because I always want to possess it and make it more pleasurable or more intense. That is why I was a really good addict, because of my obssession with desire and feeling good (psuedo-absence-of-pain). I am, however, alot better than I used to be. You may try this experiment for yourself. Watch how your world operates when everything (outwardly and inwardly) seems to come together and "the stars are lining up." Watch what happens when the pendulum swings and now you find yourself hanging by a thread wondering, "Where did all my joy and happiness go?" I know you have had this happen. So, whenever you see that scenerio beginning to unfold, pull yourself away from it (both the before and after). Or don't and pay the price. Sometimes it has to happen again and again (because I am a rock head). The safety of Now is pretty cool! R

conditioner

As you arise this morning, approach the day with the idea that you don't know what is right for you. Imagine letting go of your rapid thoughts, (by the way, they are probubly not your real thoughts as of yet anyway). Our days are based on our first reaction to that first thought. Watch for a moment what it does to you. Often times, it is carried over from the day before. Don't fight it, don't resist it and don't give in to what it wants you to do. If you do it wins and the vicious cycle is on. Just for a moment watch it. See how it tries to toss you like a rag doll (and don't kick the dog or yell at the kids). Just watch it quietly for soon it will pass. Thoughts come and go, but they have no authority unless you give it to them. God has already given you the power to win. How? The only way to defeat evil is not to play his mind games.

a fresh start

How often has it rained and been Monday morning? The carpenter's wrote a song with these words but then ended it with, "always gets me down." Why? Maybe because they dreaded the week before it started and the rain and the date coincided with what was already present. These dreads don't happen that often, but when they do our memories lock in to the same thing, and coincidently, get the same results. So, how can I make this Monday different? YOU can't because deep down inside YOU don't want to. You maybe getting some particular pleasure from it. As morbid as it may be you cling to it. It is Monday and not raining in another part of the world! Get my drift? Spend some time with your inner rain. See that it is there, but refuse to see it as having anything to do with you. That is a good start. R