Expression of Suppression

The only reason I have resistance towards you and disturbance with you is because I don't know where I am going and I don't know what to do. It is also seemingly true that, when I think I have arrived at a clue, I find myself uncovering more confusion, confusions that I thought shouldn't have been there. I would have thought that, at my age, these things should have been figured out. What I have learned is that age has nothing to do with my present psychic level. I can only be at the level I presently occupy. Now, there is a present frustration towards that level which has led to more resistance and outward disturbance towards you. I know that it is me and not you though you probably will not see nor recognize it. It is not your problem, but because you also occupy a different psychic level, you want to make it yours. I am having enough trouble with it, so do yourself a favor and try not to save me, you can't and have no clue as to how anyway. I have enough trouble living from conditions I have allowed others to set in place, because I thought it was the right thing to do at the time, falsely justified it within myself or it was the easier road. I have allowed this to go on and now I wish to break from it and cannot justify, to you, why. I am trying to allow myself this opportunity. It would be in your best interest to try and understand. blessings, r

The Inverted Pyramid

"Human beings live by echoes and when they hear none they get scared." Vernon Howard


It is truly a marked sign of progress when I see the many "I's" present within me. With a stand against silence, I have turned the pyramid upside down, logically manifesting my mind with all this clutter of personality. I am this, I am that, I should do this or I should do that, I can do this, I can't do that, I live a life with the lives of 9 cats. I have briefly seen these paradoxes within me, never realizing how combustible they are and never seeing how snagged I become on life. The liberation from it would be to recognize this simple fact. That I allow it to cultivate through my own unconscious ignorance. So, for the next few moments, or even for this entire day, I should request a bit of awareness towards the barking and resounding of the "so called" me. So, I pray, that I find the wisdom to get out of myself (objectively) and see myself from the perspective of a distant observer, with only the desire to see the benefits of not hearing a return. Blessings, r

Dirty Little Rooms

More and more, I am beginning to love the things that make me the most uncomfortable. Upon further review, it has grown past a state of morbid reflection. Morbid reflection is creating an illusory condition that absolves itself in emotionalism, yet nothing is ever resolved. These weeping, crying and depressive states are not the prize, are not mandatorily required and can never be justified as a psychic antibiotic. They are simply misinterpreted visions of my inner state. It is like trying to clean a room that is filled with clutter. Moving clutter to make way for the broom and mop, then shifting the clutter back to the same place and wondering why the room looks unkempt. So in an effort to neutralize my emptiness, I go out and buy more clutter. With heavy mind feet, I trod through the isles envisioning one whim after another stating, "That is it," or "This is what I was looking for." How heavy my feet have become, how much my back is aching, I think I'll have some aspirin before logging all this new clutter home. I wonder if it would be okay to stop all this nonsense. If I see, if only I see and allow myself to consciously drift away from this clutter, there is a possibility of something new, something clean and something different. I question and entertain the idea that maybe the emptiness is something I should cling to, for a moment, rather than simple re-arranging or diagramming a prognosis. Hmmm.... What if I allowed the dirty little room to remain there for a moment. What if I just sat back and did nothing, bought nothing, sold nothing nor schemed anything. Would it be possible to shift away from this nonsense long enough to let something else shine through? Whether yea or nea, as long as it is not that. Blessings, r

Perseverance

In life, there may be times when your experiences appear to be leading you nowhere. There may also times when you find yourself within a vacuum without even the slightest inkling of liberation. There is no book, no plan "B" and no pamphlet of instructions for relieving you from it's hold on you. If you may happen to find yourself within this type of vortex, be of good cheer. These are the greatest sources of self-learning and awakening. Within each and every human being, lies an instruction guide not found in any book, sermon, booklet, seminar or conventional wisdom. It is only within in these experiences that we can come to know the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom of God is nothing more than the naked search for Truth. It is the most difficult yet the most rewarding. The only true reward, unheralded to everyone, except the seeker himself. Eventually with endurance and perseverance, it finds you. Let me repeat, it finds you. Blessings, r

Egoless........Thought.........

Consider this.... 99.9 percent of all of your thoughts have something to do with you. Within this stream of ongoing pictures, you are either the protagonist or the antagonist. You orchestrate all of your movements, all of your decisions, all of your beliefs, all of your feelings on preconceived notions and within these flighty, unsubstantiated whims you unconsciously defend and attack, appease and please your selfish desires, passions and activities. No wonder we are so top heavy and are so far removed from our true essence. It is a victory if we see this fact. It is progress if we allow ourselves to stop this conditioned madness and see what we have allowed to transpire because of our deep sleep. There can be no change, there can be no transformation until we snap the cruel phenomena we accept as "I", for it is within these adopted sons that we find ourselves in the middle of all war, hatred, anger, deceit and confusion and we filter ourselves away from true love, peace and compassion. You are not different from mankind. As long as there is conflict and confusion within yourself, you are not living in harmony and you have not freed yourself from the tyranny of choice. Wake up! Blessings, r

Excerpt from Krishnamurti's Speech to the UN (1984)

"If you kill another, if you are in conflict with another, you are destroying yourself. You can observe this very carefully by looking at yourself. There can only be peace in mankind if you and I have no conflict in ourselves so..you can say if a man comes to the end of all conflict in himself, how do you think it will effect the rest of mankind? This is a very old question that is thousands and thousands of years old, years before Christ. We have to ask within ourselves where there is pain, sorrow, despair and all that..can it ever end? If one applies and looks with considerable attention (as you look with great attention when combing your hair or shaving)with the quality of your attention heightened, you can observe in yourself, all the nuances and subtleties...In the mirror you can see yourself exactly as you are, but most of us are fighting to see what we are and so we gradually develop resistance,
guilt and all the rest of that business. So, we never ask for total freedom. Not to do what you like, but to be free from choice. Where there are multiple choices, there are multiple confusions. So can we live on this earth with a great understanding of mankind, which is to understand yourself so profoundly. Not according to some psychologists or some psychoanalyst, they too have to be analyzed (LOL). So without turning to the professionals, as simple laymen, we can observe our own idiosyncrasies and tendencies. Our brain is not a specialist, our brain has been conditioned to war, to hate, to conflict... Can the brain with all it's memories, free itself from it's over-conditioning. You know, it is very simple to answer such questions. If you have been going north all of your life, which is conflict and sorrow, and someone comes along and says that direction leads you nowhere and you agree to move in a different direction, that movement in itself develops a mutation in the very brain cells themselves, because you have broken the patent and the patent must be broken now, not forty years later. Does mankind have the energy and vitality to transform themselves into civilized human beings, not killing each other."

Vanity and the Pursuit of Happiness

On January 10th, in the wee hours of the morning, I sprang from my bed as if someone had knocked at the door. I was not surprised by the sudden snap from sleep. I had carried it to bed with me the night before. Actually, it was something I had been dragging around all day and had hoped it would go away. Like a wood splinter, it sat around and had now festered into a painful sore. I was now awake and had no desire to fight back to sleep and probably couldn't if I tried. I walked into the kitchen, made coffee and sat down with the intention of seeing what was causing my ailment. At first, I assumed my daily routine of answering emails, checking ebay for sale items and looking at the latest sporting news. After several futile attempts at changing how I was really feeling, I decided to give in and let whatever wanted to happen, happen. I had just caught a glimpsed into the emptiness of my life. I know what I would have done in the past, I would have masked this marked emptiness with drugs, alcohol, anti-depressants or sleeping pills, but in this new and chosen life, however, I do not have those dubious luxuries. I must see my pretentious living. I must look at my pride, my vanity and how my ego obsesses over the illusory annointing of futility, purpose and the pursuit of outward trophies and psuedo-happiness. These are the characteristics of my empty world. These are the appetites and thirsts that are never quenched, never satisfied and never yield but more of the same. A circle if you wish. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with the pursuit of outward treasures, but don't think for one minute, that they can add anything to your inner life. They are different and must be keep separate from all interior involvement. This can be quite a shock, especially for someone who has never thought to look at depression this way. It is the only healthy way I have found to give me any lasting relief from despair. To actually stop and look at it is a courageous and heroic path. To let something painful sit around for as long as it likes. I have found that the winds of awareness are very powerful and can whisk away these false feelings, but they must be met head-on with all the daring you can muster. Like my friend Tom said, "It won't hurt you to hurt." Like the dawning of the morning sun and oh how brightly it shines. I will leave you with an excerpt from Vivekananda:

"There is only one real desire: to know what is true, to be spiritual. No more materialism, no more of this egoism. I must become spiritual. Strong, intense must be the desire. If a man's hands and feet were so tied that he could not move, and then a burning piece of charcoal were placed on his body, he would struggle with all his power to throw it off. When I shall have that sort of extreme desire, that restless struggle to throw of this burning world, then the time will come for me to glimpse the Divine Truth."

The aim must be to no longer allow oneself to be imprisoned in a confused, and falsely tried, state. Blessings, r

Forensic

You can tell a persons age by how much it takes to put them to sleep and how much is required to wake them up. Blessings, r

House With A White Picket Fence

I see that you are still fighting with yourself. There is no controlling of any given situation, whether it be invited or circumstance. You either fight it or you ride it. Please understand that this "it" can not and need not, be controlled by you. This is asleepened wrong thinking. This is especially true if you are trying to guide it, to make it turn out the way your illusions are demanding it turn out. This house with the white picket fence, that you so frequently visit and defend, has nothing to do with your present reality. Your present reality, in fact, is being built for you, but you will never see it as long as you think you are the one that must do the bidding. Step away from it and let the winds of the now carry you. Stop worrying. The one thing that Christ spent the most time with was fear and worry. Don't be afraid. He said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you," and "let not your heart be troubled." Secondly, "Is all your worrying going to add one minute to your life?" In this very moment, you have a God-given ability to step back from all of it and allow yourself to be carried. This is exactly what is happening, so ride it. You can place yourself in the one who has overcome all things or the one who overcomes nothing. It is your choice. Blessings, r

Mental Pictures

It would be unwise to pray for others, when it is you whom expects the gain

The Untraveled Path

The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

How nice to re-kindle a farewell to the arms of redundancy. For a man to strip himself of customs and traditions so as to not qualify or comply. A freedom to anyone who dares to challenge himself and fore go popularity so as to not adopt what is acceptable. To allow himself to be himself and with him, goes everything he has learned, read, studied,lived, understood and the things he has yet to find. Oh, what freedom to do it alone. Oh, what freedom to not comply. Blessings, r

Oneness

When I say "you" it is me. When you hear "me" it is you.

Fractions

Do you now see that there are two halves in you? An observation, as such, is easily seen and documented by two key elements. One such element, is what comes from your mouth. Do you not see that your speech and your words are guided by what you already have in your heart? It is the most difficult to see because of your blindness and your arrogance. You do not see because you do not wish to see, because you find the darkness an easier feast than the light. Without the light, life is easy and the entrance to your empty unhappiness is free of charge. The second element, is what you do. Your actions display and are guided by the contents of your heart. Your actions are not thoughtful, but selfish and have fallen away from love. Watch how your anger arises and conflict prevails when your little world is compromised by others. Can you now see your blackened heart? You have tried to be spiritual and it worked for a while, or so you thought, but it was not guided by light. It as guided by darkness disguised as light and your egoism has finally exposed your "falsely" lived little world. You are split and your true conscious is telling you this. So now you have come to your wits end, even though temporary, and you don't know what to do. It would be a mistake if you think you have the power to change yourself. This is what you have already been doing and it didn't work. It would be double jeopardy to try it again. There are many who scream this is what insanity is. A practical approach would be, from this very moment, to observe your words and your actions. There is no need to run off and look for a new philosophy. It is all with you right now. Take a moment to see you have taken the light for granted. When done properly, forgiveness is lovingly at work. Take notice of your thoughts and how they rush to fight against this notion. Beware, it is their nature to do so. You can do this today and just for today. Blessings, r

Service

Anything you pass on is passed on. Everything else you are free to keep. Blessings, r

Quickie

"You don't feel good because the world is right. The world is right because you feel good." - Vernon Howard

Delivery

When he wants to appear,
there leaves no doubt.
The waking up spinning and delirious
is always the typical day.
It builds momentum, speeding out of control
and holds no bar nor climactic heights.
Away from the obvious, it rests and it sighs,
awaiting you and a much needed reply.
It is not automatic, as most would assume,
but a kindled cloud, so soft not blue.
You struggle with writing and reading and prose,
never seeing the tapping of your nervous toes.
You seek an event, your life crouching in fear
its not Santa nor his tiny reindeer.
Away from the hectic,
Away from the screen,
away from the protocol,
towards something serene.
Desire and passion are present, that's true
You keep you away from what's real and what's not you.
Allow the veil to slip away,
Allow yourself to let go of the clock.
It is not necessary to endure another shock.
He comes when he wants to,
he knows your heart.
He knows what you need,
from the very start.
Be of good cheer, but stop and wait.
see what is simple in those narrow gates.

Uncomman Cents

I spent 23 years in business as a self-contained, sole proprietor. If I have learned anything, from the buying and selling of goods, is that commerce is perfect. If I agree to buy what you are selling, at the price we agree upon, we have a perfect transaction. In terms of the transaction itself, it matters not whether the seller maintains a monopoly or is a part of a huge, competitive market. The actual buying and selling of any product is perfect. Now, let us suppose I am in the market for something I have to have (food, water, health care, shelter, clothing, etc...) and the seller has a monopoly (no choice). What price do you think I will have to pay? What recourse will I have if something goes wrong with the product? Now, suppose I am in the market for something I have to have (food, water, health care, shelter, clothing, etc...) and the seller is a part of a huge competitive market. What price will I have to pay? What recourse will I have if something goes wrong? Now, consider the former monopoly (no choice), the price I pay will be what the seller marks the item, period. As a consumer, I will have no choice in the price I agree to pay. Also, I will have no recourse if something goes wrong with the item, other than replacement of that same article or my money back. Any increase in administrative costs (there will be increases) will be filtered on to me, not the seller. Now we have come to a precipice by which the playing field can be even and fair and that is through competition. Competition drives the price of any commodity down. Free enterprise and choice is the priority for market policing. It takes care of the market itself. It increases the buyer's demand for the most affordable, efficient and warranted products and forces the seller to meet those demands with competitive pricing, greater warranty and user friendly efficiency. In Summary, if you allow any government to enter a market in which there is no competition what price do you think you will pay? What recourse will you have if something goes wrong, (remembering this will now be law)? How can a government, who created anti-trust laws to abolish the tyranny of monopoly, be allowed to enter into a venue by which the consumer has no choice? This is exactly how socialism operates. It is propagated by power-driven dictatorships that prey on the weak and ignorant who have been led to believe they can ill afford revolt. Blessings, r

Happy New You

Never allow anyone (brother, sister, father, mother, enemy, preacher or best friend) to keep you from finding and becoming the person you want to be. Instead, ask yourself want you want out of yourself. Look and see what you are and what forces you are allowing to guide your current life. This is not difficult. There are only 2 forces in the universe. There is a force governed by light and that predicated by darkness. An investigation is required to see and understand how these life principles actively tug at your soul. In fact we are the prize. More of one, generates more of itself. Look at the components of each to detect their characteristics. It is important to not take yourself too seriously, nor can we afford to take such matters too lightly. Casualness is the aim. Always remain objective in your pursuits, but do pursue. In regards to happiness, first see what it isn't. True happiness never needs anything from you, it is itself. Pseudo-happiness needs something from you. It is laced with desire, fueled by passion and only creates or desires more of the same. Peace is light, disturbance is darkness. Light is stillness, darkness is movement or time. These two forces constitute two worlds. The false world cannot be changed by you. It does not want true happiness, it desires forward movement and cannot stand the quiet of the present moment. It lives to keep you in constant danger, fear and agitation (example: watch how heavy your possessions become). In other words, darkness has no desire to live in the moment. It lives in the next moment (which never happens in reality) or the last moment (which doesn't exist). Try to see the true and false about you. Ultimately, most people live, in fact, in both worlds. This is neither good or bad, right or wrong. It is only the fact that it is. Notice the two selves within you. Be of good cheer, but do experiment. You can learn more by your own research. Never take someones word (no matter who they are), see it for yourself. Emerson said, "Be not like dumb, driven cattle." Think for yourself. Blessings, r