Jack Of All Trades

Dear Friends,

Do not be alarmed by what you read. Most of my encryptions are merely summations of daily influences that pass through my mind. It is my writing that allows me to see simple truths about what I live, make decisions about, whine and wail over or let go of. There are always lessons to learn and new obstacles to overcome. The bottom line is I am trying to find out how this mechanical machine, I call my mind, really works. In order for me to do this I must stand alone for brief periods of time, or longer, until I reach that level of understanding and I must do this no matter what the costs. I must face all of life with all of me, otherwise, nothing will ever be truly learned. All of my negative influences, and yours, reside within us. We must choose what is best for us using total life exposure, including nuances others throw on us as to what we need to do (or should do) about whatever. Personally, no one ever hurt me as bad as I have hurt myself. The blame game stopped some time ago, but it took many years of turmoil and heartache for me to get to a point where I began to see this. The crescendo of guilt and condemnation, then, really began to rare its ugly head. That is what I work on the most, nowadays. The dragons in the darkness of my mind work on me feverishly. Cunning they are, constantly using mental pictures to gain my interest. That is really all they want, my attention. They carry nothing of any real value. They are simply dirty little thieves disguising themselves as who I (falsely) think I am. Shame on me for falling for the bright and shiny hoaxes. Let me explain what little I know about the light. It is not anything like the cheap imitations paraded in front of me by the dungeon ones. No! It is nothing like that. Unfortunately (and the fact that I am completely stubborn), the light cannot be on this level. The light will come with hard work, dedication, persistence and endurance. I am speaking of inner work not digging a ditch or making a million dollars. That is the part I choose to play. The benefits are nothing like dark benefits. The dark side is characterized by uneasiness, conflict, doubt, despair, sleeplessness, obsession, thinking about oneself, etc...

One such dark spot, that intervened when I was a small boy, was my grandmother commented to me that I "was a jack of all trades, master of none". Today, I realize that this was the ultimate compliment, but as a small child I misconstrued this to be a derogatory remark. It would not be necessary to go into any great length as to my mental make-up at the time (most of which is still coming to me), but it would be obvious that I had already begun to suffer from a low sense of self-esteem. The fields were ripe and my misunderstood conception on that one comment, sent me into a downward spiral that has taken years to come to the surface. I am not a child anymore, nor am I eligible to blame anyone for those awkward, circumstantial events. It is my responsibility to go on a search for the truth in my own mind. I will not excuse myself, nor discount any feelings, that I have today regarding my responsibility to detect those itinerant dragon heads. I am one to become aware of how these learned, adopted attitudes influence every emotional storm that may come about in my life. Folks, this is not weakness. This is real, unheralded courage. This is the constitution of real genius. Know that this kind of wisdom, which supersedes all intelligence, is the fruit of true knowledge. I hope you have learned something about what you are to do about yourself. I know I have. Blessings, r