Pogo Stick

I would not consider myself a religious man. My realizations have come to a wonderful conclusion that I, by nature, am one who doesn't easily conform to the orders of a maddened society. It is not cynical to see through the masks of men. I learned a very valuable asset for a true seeker and that is one of attraction rather than promotion. I am at best itinerant, a wanderer who listens to the beat of a distant drummer. I had at one time thought myself to be one who was becoming bitter, then realized my bitterness wasn't true independence but rather dependent fighting disguised as independence. I did this with my father for many years, but was to afraid to stand up for myself(and was never encouraged to do so). This followed me for many years and on into addiction. Fear the cause, addiction the symptom. I was reading the red print one day, after my release from treatment, and happened across these word's:

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."

The 2 important phrases here, for me, are "deny himself daily" and "loses his life for me."

There is NO once saved always saved for me. That is only a fictitious idea and has no practical value in my life. My life is daily. What worked for me yesterday will probably not work today. Denying my excitements, my dreaming and my scheming. This is only half of daily denial. The other half is denying my FEAR, my doubts and any confusion that may be in the way. "Losing his life (which could just have easily said "lie") for me", not in spite or because it is, superficially, something to do. In order for me to begin to follow this great teaching, I must first, be aware of what I am to be denying. Watch yourself in the morning. See how "apparent" good fortune becomes parts of the pogo stick. Excitement then depression, plus then minus, dreaming and failure, ecstatic and exhaustion. Do you now see the purpose and application of denial? Do you now see what you should deny? It is the illusions your mind creates for you. Don't buy into it. Denial favors you, but only if you see it, first. Think about this for the next couple of days.

"The man who has nothing, has everything" Vernon Howard

Blessings, r