Martha or Mary?

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, pick his cross daily and follow me." Not like Martha, but like Mary, leave it at, "Me." Take nothing with you today, just leave the field empty. If you do, you will be crying by morning.

10 eyes

How is it, that in life, I am separate from God, but in death, I am joined with God? I am not buying what they are selling. The ideas of man are only creating divisions in me. If I believe I am with God, then who and what are these different selves. What is this "I" that wants to be separate? If I am with, what can be or what is, against? My ideas, whether bought or learned, must be wrong. I should turn in early, I am tired of listening to I.

Michael Buffer

If we are still fighting life, it is because we are not sufficiently tired of fighting. We have to get tired of fighting, but with an intelligent understanding of it's futility (uselessness) not with a feeling of despondency (hopelessness).

Vernon Howard 'Esoteric Mind Power'

Les Miserables

If I say, "I am miserable," then I am referring to the "i" that knows misery. Along with misery, it also knows excitement, depression, anxiety and worry. It secretly craves it, unaware of the opposite results. As long as I live from this small "i," I will always be at the mercy of it's pendulum swings. These are the opposites of desire and passion, approval and purpose. Since I have lived in this old and familiar state, time and time again, I will ask the same question again and again, "Where did all my joy go?" I have seen this experience many times. It is especially true after the heights of some "spiritual" experience, which always plummet the very next day. My mind may have thought it understood, but it didn't. It was only giving itself it's only known anecdote for pain, a created and conditioned tourniquet. I may blunder a thousand more times with this, but if I am careful to proceed more slowly and unafraid, if I see that I have not as yet understood, then I can now safely move towards a deeper understanding without the familiar guilt, judgement, loss or condemnation, that always seems to follow.

Upon Further Review

I cannot write too much. I cannot review and go over my life enough. I cannot seek forgiveness too often. Living in my past is not the intent, or is it? Am I still being badgered by something familiar or have I just learned to run faster, to be a better magician? The amount of pain in my life seems to be equal to the amount of deception that continues to stir up echoes. I see much deeper questions: Am I still desiring my father's approval? Do I live my life seeking the approval of others? Is there still present, a significant other, that I desire to hear that what I have done or that what I am doing is good or is being smiled upon? Is this what motivates me? Is this my secret inspiration? Have I not yet learned that I am okay and have I not yet learned to approve myself (to forgive myself)? Odd as it may seem, when there is a "good job" spoken, or a "its beautiful" mentioned, there is no inward satisfaction or contentment. Yet, I continue to tip toe around, working and living in secret from others and verbally lying about great things I have done or can do, all so that I may set-up and reject commendation from the one's I desire approval. There is anger and resentment present. This is what darkness can do. This is what my false nature does. If I knew I could view my inner world in complete safety, there would be no roadblocks from guilt. There would be no smokescreens of judgement or slashes of condemnation. If I could just hold out long enough these angry, bashing and constant waves may dissipate, but as long as I refrain from seeing them, as long as I continue to hold out without standing up and seeing them for what they really are, their attacks will never relinquish. I see that the need for approval is a sick hoax. Today, I will make something beautiful, take a step back, smile and then move on.

Cascade

If you think we are all the same, try loading a dishwasher with another person.

Time Table

So you think wisdom and age are the same thing? If you wait until you get old to gain wisdom, there are things that will begin to occur that influence your receptivity. Solomon said not to wait, because you may not see so well, walk so well or hear so well. It is already much steeper than you think, so imagine not having all of your faculties. When the faculties wither, what will you do then? I know what you will do. You will call on God to provide energy or understanding to keep you afloat. He will not, because Truth is not your ideas, your thoughts or your body. You can thank HIM for being something higher. You do not consider this, do you? You think you will live forever. You think you are your body, your thoughts and your ideas, but the body will fade, thought will increase and your ideas will be of no more use. Christ's words are eternal. Your ideas about Christ's words are finite. Seek the things that cannot fade and begin to live from that. Start now!