Les Miserables

If I say, "I am miserable," then I am referring to the "i" that knows misery. Along with misery, it also knows excitement, depression, anxiety and worry. It secretly craves it, unaware of the opposite results. As long as I live from this small "i," I will always be at the mercy of it's pendulum swings. These are the opposites of desire and passion, approval and purpose. Since I have lived in this old and familiar state, time and time again, I will ask the same question again and again, "Where did all my joy go?" I have seen this experience many times. It is especially true after the heights of some "spiritual" experience, which always plummet the very next day. My mind may have thought it understood, but it didn't. It was only giving itself it's only known anecdote for pain, a created and conditioned tourniquet. I may blunder a thousand more times with this, but if I am careful to proceed more slowly and unafraid, if I see that I have not as yet understood, then I can now safely move towards a deeper understanding without the familiar guilt, judgement, loss or condemnation, that always seems to follow.