Working for the Weekend

It would be wise to reside in the Father as he resides in you. To be one with the Father, the son and you. Watch the world as it tries to pry you away with it's trickery. It wants you alone in your thinking. It wants to isolate you so that it's attacks go unnoticed by others. Stay with the father and with the son , so that all things of the world and of heaven may be gladly endured. love, r

To The Addict Who Still Suffers...

I am one of you. I am with you. Whether clean or whether dirty I understand you. You need not blame yourself. You need not curse the ground you stand. You are not alone. You have no moral dilemma. You have a disease and like everyone else in the world, you are sick. There is help and there is a way out. It will be difficult and will appear to go against you, but if you will look deeply enough and listen to your heart, you will know this is the only way and that it is true. Always remember that the best you can do is to not pick up. The worse thing that can happen to you, the very worst thing that can happen to you, is that you trigger your addiction. For if you do, the horror starts all over again. But you already know that, or do you? Never forget that it will always lie in waiting. Your addiction doesn't care what you think. It doesn't care what you have or who you are. It needs no face, it needs no race. It welcomes all religions with open arms. Do not be afraid, there are many of us among you. Seek us out. We are not proud people and avoid public promotion. We know that the greatest thing we can do for humanity, of which we are a part, is to wake up to ourselves. We also know that the greatest dis-service we can do for humanity is to remain asleep. Love, r

Guilt

I have taken the liberty to investigate the word, "Guilt." I am learning that if something is bothering you, you must try to isolate the condition with the feeling in an effort to understand it's origin (otherwise known as cause-effect). Webster's definition for the word guilt, in this case, is two fold. It states in 2.a. The state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously. b. Feelings of culpability (criminal) especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy. What I, personally draw from this are three words:

Consciously, imagined offenses and a sense of inadequacy

If you are reading this you know that I am on to something, and you are on to yourself. How can I overcome feelings of inadequacy? Where does it stem from? Guilt is derived from fear. Fear is the sour fruit of the false self. You cannot and need not change what is already false. To be free from it, you must consciously fight for yourself. You must abandon this self that fears being inadequate. How ever long it takes and as many times that it takes you must bring it to the conscious (recognize). Stop and see it. You must stopped these illusions of imagined offenses and ask yourself, "Are they happening now?". Consider how you blame yourself or others by asking, "Who is judging and blaming me right now?". You must isolate these confessions and allow them to come to the surface, no matter how painful. It helps to openly speak with others about your long term affair with this false partner. It allows you to hear what you are thinking. Do not, however, think that confession is understanding. It is not. You are doing this for yourself. To become your true self. This may appear difficult, but ask yourself how much more can you take harboring these illusory THOUGHTS, that have no substance, no obvious basis, keep you in the dark and run your life. It is time to chase that illusion back to it's origin. Back to the one time it happened if necessary. As long as you keep it in your subconscious, it hurts you. As long as you assume it is you and that the feelings are justified, you are still it's prisoner. Allow this to come all the way to the surface. It is going to hurt a little as it comes. Stay with it until you can see the facts without personalizing. Stay with it until you can detach yourself. As if you took it and threw it against the wall and gazed at it separately, away from yourself. See the facts unattached and passively.Bring it to the surface. Quietly let it come to the top, without emotionalism or personalization. Do this a thousand times if necessary. Reality is wonderful at taking out the garbage. Love, r

Nicodemus

Drying your eyes, but you won't give in.
Calling on something you still hope you can win.

You rant and you rave on the inside,
for there's nothing left to do.

You've tried a few times,
when it's unbearably new.
Staying just long enough,
to pass away your blues.

What is this train,
you sling around the room?
Your emails couldn't pull off,
what you hoped they could do.

How long will you wait this time,
before crying again.
A new imagination to replace this old pain,
buy something else again and again.

This stage looms greater than your personal rights,
you scream discrimination, of duty and no fight.
Sweating profusely, still clutching the dice,
a fire from hell as hot as cold ice.

Time again for a conjugal visit,
maybe this time you'll call it's weak bluff.
You'll win this war worry,
if you can sit just a few.
Just let yourself go,
to the wind and what's true.

Oh Nicodemus, Why can't ya see us?
I have lied in wait for those like you.
Can't you see it, can't you feel it?
Those born of a spirit that rings so true.

It Is Depressed, Not You

I went to bed last night severely depressed. At least this is what I assumed. I was sweating profusely, first, burning up, then, freezing to death. Back and forth I went clutching my chest and writhing with the heaviness of life. I awoke this morning somewhat dazed but without the total desperation from the night before. I quickly thought I needed to run out and help someone, attend some service or read some literature. These things are good, true and necessary. It is a natural process that one will receive when one (selflessly) gives. It is also true that you cannot hurt another without hurting yourself. There will never be enough opportunities in life for you to sustain yourself in this manner 100% of the time. There are not enough selfless opportunities in a day to establish this you, you think you need to be. Sooner or later you must look at your thought processes and how you take life within and without. You must spend some time alone with yourself. You must see how long you can look at a fact about yourself without running away from it. This is the right action. How long can you take looking at yourself. I was depressed last night. There was no desperation today. I am still the same person standing here. You, the real you cannot be swayed. It is depressed, not you. Do you see yet? R

10,000 Maniacs

Though a man surround himself with 10,000 new laws or 10,000 new sermons, they cannot add one ounce of consciousness to his mind. His problem is that he behaves like it can. The only thing in a man's life that is practical is his consciousness of all mystical truth. A Truth that exists and can be discovered only in his mind and heart. His awakened, alert and practical consciousness towards his inward and outward existence, as it is, is where all questioning must originate. That is all that there is for him. This is a true actualization which can only be seen by him and by him alone. How can the man, who makes such great strides in the world, be so ignorant and frightened on the inside? Because, he is afraid to see and admit he is afraid. That is the start. Your borrowed ideas are not the truth for you. Look at how you run around trying to substantiate it with, or by, others. R

Foolish Pride

I crashed my bicycle at a high rate of speed, breaking a clavicle, 3 ribs and collapsing a lung. I had multiple abrasions and cuts and had my clothes cut off of me in the emergency room. I had been picked up on the side of the road, by an ambulance, having remained in a fetal position for over an hour, because i could not move. My helmet had been crushed in it's service to saving me from any serious head injury or death. I never lost consciousness and remained alert the whole time. I was in the emergency room for about 3 hours in Muenster, Texas. A kind women named Beth was able to contact my wife, who with a dear friend, made the 1 ½ hour drive to pick me up, load my possessions, truck and carry me back home. I slept fairly well through the night and was reeling from the previous days images when late that afternoon my left lung began to collapse. I was re-admitted to my local hospital where I remained until the following Wednesday. It has now been 2 weeks and 2 days since the accident. I have encountered some of those old addiction scenarios again (from the pain killers), but have quickly righted the ship with the help of my wife and throwing myself into the hands of God. Now, I am more capable of reviewing the event and all life actions leading up to the accident. Remember, this was an accident and had I not made it out of that incident, then this would be meaningless. However, by the grace of God, I did survive, so this becomes very meaningful. Cause and effect is a powerful tool when used properly, without pride and without vanity. I thought I was ready for such a hilly event. Maybe I was and maybe I wasn’t. What I do know is that prior to that day I was unbalanced. I was not a branch of the vine. I was separate, lost and out of control. When a person becomes that way he has no direction, no purpose and his efforts are purely mechanical and non-producing. As I re-called that last moment, I was very exhausted, dehydrated and had become somewhat delirious. I had 9 miles to go on the 63 mile trek, but I had no business continuing. Oh, but what about pride and vanity? What about never giving up and quitting? These are honorable positions for a dubious man, but I was in no position to be dubious or honorable. This is how accidents happen and they are over before you know it. So, I was delirious, dehydrated and prideful. Now, mix in a blast from a 40 mile an hour crosswind from the left. A downhill speed of 35 miles per hour and a tire that had blown or had quickly become deflated and there you have it, an accident. I just wanted to measure where I was as a cyclist, but I had made the mistake of comparing myself to others, of needlessly "measuring up." I had allowed my ego to dictate and remove my reasons for cycling, that is, to be with me, the road and God. Through drug addiction, Epstein-Bahr and the cessation from nicotine, I had been given a second chance at something I thought I would never get to experience again, riding a bicycle. However, along the way, I have learned (or thought I had learned) the importance of a maintained spiritual program and, most of all, balance. I had forgotten about balance. Slowly, I had allowed obsession to cloud daily judgment. I had relapsed into selfish, and egotistical thinking. I had gotten out-of-balance. I had began to relinquish important daily spiritual exercise and writing. I had allowed myself to become one-sided, isolated and self-righteous. I leave you with the following and encourage you to take on those, seemingly, insurmountable challenges that life is known for. Remember that you help people because you are the one who needs help. Never forget that. You are one WITH the earth. R


Paramahansa Yogananda writes eloquently on a major aspect of finding balance:

"In every being there exists a masculine and a feminine nature. The masculine or positive side reveals itself as the powers of discrimination, self-control, exacting judgment -- qualities that express or respond to reason. The negative or feminine nature consists of feeling -- love, sympathy, kindness, mercy, joy. In the ideal being, these two aspects are perfectly balanced. but if reason lacks feeling, it becomes calculating, harsh, judgmental; and if feeling lacks reason it becomes blind emotion."

This mental picture has endless profitable connections on many different levels. For example, too much effort and straining for results causes inner life imbalance, as well as excessive recreation and television at the expense of reading the great spiritual books. Attention to food quality and regular exercise matter; however, an obsession with furthering and protecting one's health impacts the flow of revitalizing spiritual energy through the system. Balance, clarity and patience hold the key.