Absence

"If a man could sit for an hour and think of nothing, when he opened his eyes he could see everything".

Charlie from Jack London's, Call of the Wild.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

There are times I occasionally encounter what I used to coin as a bad day. A day when, upon awaking in the morning, I don't feel so well physically or mentally. It is amazing how this "appearance" of state can spiral downwards as the day progresses. This state can often linger for a couple of days and my temporal outlook on life may even be dismal or dismayed. It is important, in these times, that I allow this state to hang around. What would I gain from it if I tried to push it away? Try to see the amount of natural energy that is used in avoidance, escapism or worry. As an addict, I never had bad days or good days, only ugly days. They were ugly because I did the same thing for 9 years: wake up and get high, eat and get high, get high to change the oil in my car or go to one of my kids athletic events (only to get high). Getting high in those days is no different than escaping a "bad day" today, mentally. I am still trying to avoid pain. If I allow myself to remain uncomfortable for a little while and try to see that what I am allowing to take place isn't the me I want to be, I lessen its hold on me. Whenever these states appear in your life, don't do anything to escape it. Don't try to change it. Just let it lay around for as long as it wants. Heighten your awareness of it's existence and experiment to see what happens knowing it has nothing to do with the real you. When we, through awareness, see this division we are given a wonderful opportunity to see something new.

"You hear the wind, but you cannot see it. You do not know where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with those born of the spirit". John 3

Omniscient

An individual whose mind and body are working together while passively seeing all that is around and all that is within.

NASCAR racing

Your ego doesn't want your day to be lived. It wants to drive you through it. Imagine how a day could be lived, if there was no desire for the need to live it. If self-interest would take a back seat and your day unfolded naturally with no need to implement frivolous planning or engineering in order to substantiate itself. Your ego has no capability of a greater intelligence, in fact, it is quite the opposite. It's characteristics are mechanical, often mundane, mis-directed (ADD?) and add nothing to your inner essence. It's purposes are useful in things that are logically oriented, but we are not speaking of logic, are we? Think about that for a minute and wake up to a world of wonder. Watch for the speed in which you plan to perform a particular pre-conceived task and you will catch my drift. How truly boring we must be. Blessings, r

A note from underground: thought and writing will always surpass age.

Running The Hills (A Hurdler's Song)

Swift afoot,
listening for rhythm

Finding the beat,
soothes my breathing

My thoughts are quiet
here in this moment

The race's finish
is far tomorrow

Waves of solitaire
in stride with traffic

Deaf to the crowd's
relentless cheer

My quest is nearing,
I do not fear

Running the hills,
in me forever.

(1975)

Passing Clouds

It would be a mistake to assume that emotionalism has anything to do with real compassion. This often leads us to false outward attitudes and actions with which, later, we may no longer wish to continue or be responsible for. Watch a particular cloud you find interesting. See how it changes and what it turns into. One such real compassion of mine is seeing the need to lose interest in self and refusing to attach myself to it's defense. Blessings, r

Bad To The Bone

"Please be delightfully impressed by the second sentence of
this talk. There is no natural need for anyone to be a bad
human being. There is no need to be bad. Then why are human
beings violent and rude and bad by being weak and running away
from problems instead of facing them? Now start all over. I
don't want you to miss it. There is no need for you to ever
be angry, hateful, feel lonely, feel left out.There is no
need for you to be bad in any way at all. Now you take the
word bad and put underneath it a long, long list of types of
_badnesses_. Find them for yourself. Find the ones in you.
And I tell you that there is no reason whatever why you
should be that anymore. Oh, I know what you're thinking,
wrongly. You are thinking what you have been living, which
is that there is a need for it. There isn't."

Contact The Source Of Permanent Power
from The Esoteric Path To A New Life tape album

It would be important here for you to be undivided in your attention to this VH exerpt. Read this when you are fully awake, (after the coffee has taken effect, lol). Take the time to read it again and again until you understand what it is asking you to do. Mind performance in these matters is lazy work. Take a pen and paper and write down your "badnesses." This is NOT an apology list to others or yourself. It is honest, self-exploration. Be thorough from the start. You have an inkling as to what they are, but they don't count unless you SEE them, paperwork is important. Spend some time with your pauper efforts. Quietly, you don't have to be like this anymore. Watch for your justifiable behaviors. They are not justifiable, they are the most damaging.

Here are some hints of mine (Do you really think I could be so vain?)

self-righteous (short with people)
envy (feeling left out)
alone (substituted by stated "Independence")
spiteful (no one is deserving of "Me")
acceptance (because I won't)

Blessings, r